When Kolya first arrived 7 years ago he spoke no English. We adopted him at the age of 9. He started school one week later.
And I started school, too. I started researching what an ESL–English As A Second Language–students (or what is now commonly called ELL–English Language Learners) educational needs are.
He wasn’t in a school where ESL services were offered. And some of his teachers in the first four years at the Christian school he attended were very accommodating. Others not so much. I found myself, sometimes almost daily, having to step in and be Kolya’s educational advocate. At times it was hard–especially with a teacher who didn’t like to be told that one of her students had special learning needs that she needed to adjust for.
But I kept advocating. And his educational experiences kept improving.
And then there was another of my children.
Throughout grade school his grades continually dropped. Missing assignments were more present than actual grades. We instituted a “responsibility” reward and consequence motivational system at home.
It didn’t work.
We staying in close contact with his teachers and increased accountability.
It didn’t work.
We sat with him while he did he homework…but you still have to turn it in on your own and by the time he got to school, no matter how you helped him organize his school work he couldn’t find it.
It didn’t work.
Again, I went to school. I talked to other moms. I talked to our doctor. I researched on the internet. And the subject of ADHD kept coming to the top. We had no hyperactivity. No major defiant behavior.
I went to school some more and learned about ADHD–inattentive type. My pediatrician recommended a counselor and we scheduled appointments for testing.
He didn’t want to go. He didn’t have a choice.
The tests were borderline but she recommended medication. He resisted the idea of it. Mark and I hesitated about it as well. We all agreed to give it a month.
The results were astonishing. Seriously the kid with straight D’s moved to all A’s and B’s. The teachers–who we did not tell about the medication–were reporting a new kid in class.
The advocating…even though it took us years to figure out—paid off!
If you have a child with learning struggles, don’t give up. Hang in there! Your advocacy makes a difference!
Have you had any experience advocating for your child? Share it with us so we can all be encouraged!
Jill-I have just stepped into the role of parent advocate. My oldest son, just started Kindergarten in August. He also has Sensory Processing Disorder. He received Occupational Therapy from Feb-June of 09, and we had to stop because my husband lost his job (and our insurance). We are still without full-time employment, and despite outside family objections, we had decided that my gifts are still best used at home with our kids. Anyway, his K teacher meet with us to suggest putting our son back in pre-k to give him a year to "mature". She knows nothing of SPD, and so we are doing our best to teach her. It has been a tough road, but our son likes school and I will not take that from him. We all have things we are good at, and things we are not good at. I work with him daily at home when our 2 year old is napping. We choose a Christian school, as the local public school only has full-day K. We knew that would be too much for our son. We know we are not done being his advocate, and are praying for God's wisdom to make the correct decisions and defend them when necessary. If we don't believe in our son, who will?
The God of the Universe 'loved me' thru your words just now! I am heading to the school to advocate for my 9 year old in a couple of hours – and I needed to hear "Your Advocacy Makes a Difference!" Thanks!
Cathy,
I'm so glad that God spoke to you. Let me tell you how much more He loved you on this. I usually pre-post at least the night before but last night I went to be unmotivated and unsure of what to post. I decided one day without a post wouldn't hurt. This morning I woke up and new that I HAD to post about advocating for your kids. It couldn't wait. I jumped out of bed and wrote it up.
God cares about us so much!
Dear Jill,
As a nurse, I advocate for my patients. More importantly, as a parent I advocate for my children! It sounds so simple, yet can be one of the most challenging roles for a parent.
I also have a child with ADHD and proactively took her to a psychologist for testing prior to her having to suffer failing grades. Because of my nursing background, I had some insite into this condition and knew my child was at great risk. Her daddy and I worked with the teacher closely monitoring behavior and performance throughout the year because she was only diagnosed with the mild type and medication wasn't recommended yet. However, we struggled every school night to accomplish homework and studying tasks working three times as hard as we did with our other child. This did pay off in the end with our child with ADHD making A/B honor roll and our other child who didn't have to put in as much effort making straight A's. As a result of the consistent struggle, we decided to ask to the pediatrician to begin medication prior to the next school year.
I am happy to report that we have a different student in the classroom and at home. She is making straight A's so far this year and thriving with classwork and homework. Advocating for my child early on in a proactive manner allowed her to succeed and completely miss the curve of failure that many school systems require of a child with ADHD to suffer before being referred for help.
Advocating for our children is a life-long learning process that requires sensitivity, intuition, knowledge, and courage.
My middle son had (and still has, to some degree) some mild tactile sensory issues that were making our lives miserable for a time, and it took me stepping out of my comfort zone (and my husband stepping WAY out of his comfort zone) to get some OT help for him. It made a world of difference…now, in kindergarten, the issues are almost non-existent, which was my hope when we discovered this issue early.
I wrote the story here, in the midst of it, so I could remember what it was like!
http://heresthediehl.wordpress.com/2008/11/19/challenge/
Thanks for posting your examples! It's always good to read things like this and have them to fall back on in the future if needed.
Great post! I am always telling parents that they are their child's advocate. My youngest has an IEP for speech and I pushed and pushed for more therapy, she got it, and she is flourishing. I used to worry that I would be known as one of "those moms" at the school, where the teacher might turn and run at the sight of me, but I want the best for my girls.
Thanks for this message. We have been advocating for our middle son who has ADD all throughout his school years (now a senior!). Honestly, I'm in a discouraged place right now, so my perspective may be skewed. But overall, I think it has been more of the "It didn't work" than the other. I needed to hear that there are times when it does! Maybe our break-through is still around the corner–praying for that to be in his future.
Learning and becoming an advocate for SPD for my step-son and just today in the school dealing with a bullying situation – being a mom is sometimes the toughest job ever!! I need a nap! LOL
I'm with all you ladies–but with a twist. My child has life-threatening food allergies. That means I advocate for her in every new situation–at school, at church, before a playgroup or piano lessons. I have to practically interrogate the parents before I can send my daughter to a birthday party. But–I can't leave her health and allergies to chance–each time she faces a new situation, I have to re-explain and re-train. And I agree-sometimes people are cooperative and helpful, sometimes they don't "get it," and sometimes they're just plain scared of the responsibility. Her life can never be completely "normal" but we try to keep it as normal as we possibly can.
I feel like God is answering my prayers today.
I am so excited this morning. I have been advocating for my daughter for years (since we moved to a new school district) as she has always struggled with reading and testing. Today, after going back and forth with the school, I get a notice that the school pyschologist is setting up a meeting next week for us to have a plannig meeting to discuss our next steps. Even though I'm sure this is just the beginning I feel like it is a huge step that someone is willing to help us!! I, too, feel like I'll be labeled as "one of those moms", but my daughter's (and all of my kids') education means way too much to me and I'll gladly be "one of those moms" if it means my kids succeed 🙂
And then I get on your site and read about advocating for your children and I knew that, yep, God is fully in charge of this!!