How to Break Off An Affair

The day that firm, written, clear communication was sent to Mark’s affair partner was the day our marriage began to heal.

In our work with couples healing from infidelity, we’re often asked about how to break off the affair.


Important Points To Include In Your Letter, And Why:

  1. Address them by name but do not start the letter with ‘Dear’, or end it with ‘Love’ or ‘Sincerely’
    Those  can be interpreted by the affair partner as loving- sending mixed messages.
  2. Make it clear there’s no room for a future relationship.
    Giving false hope is unkind, and is leaving the door open, which will hurt your recovery, and your marriage.
  3. Don’t add apologies or sympathies.
    Remember, he/she is a grown adult who willingly chose to get involved with a married person. The affair partner was also an active participant.
  4. It’s valuable to have your spouse take part in the composing of this letter being sent or at least for you to send it while your spouse is there with you. This is a valuable part of healing for both of you and your marriage.

Remember, WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T DELIVER IT IN PERSON ALONE and DO NOT TALK TO THEM. Send it via email or mail but no personal interaction.


(Your Affair Partners Name):

What we did was wrong, and although I can’t change the past, I can change the future.
So, out of love and respect for my wife, my kids, and my marriage, I am ending this relationship with you immediately.
There will be no further communication with you of any kind as I seek to restore myself and my family from the devastating results of this affair.

I love my family and my God and need to diligently work on restoring trust in my marriage, and allowing God to lead my life.

I will no longer do anything to put either of those in jeopardy any longer. 

I will not be contacting you any further, or in any way.

I ask you to please respect my decision to end this relationship and do not try to pursue contact with me in the future, as I will show my wife any communication you might try to resume. 

Your name here.