We’re back for another special conversation, this time about the topic of accountability. When most people think of accountability, they imagine someone asking them tough questions—almost like it’s a police interrogation and they’re in the hot seat. The problem with that mindset is, if the other person doesn’t ask us the “right” questions, then we think we’re off the hook. We don’t have to offer up anything we don’t want to share.
That’s how we viewed accountability before walking through our marriage crisis. But once trust was broken, we realized we needed something different. Something stronger. Rather than seeing accountability as someone else’s job, we began to view it as something we take responsibility for. We started to “push accountability.”
What that looks like in real life is this: the person who is holding themselves accountable takes the lead. They offer up the information their spouse needs in order to feel safe. It’s not about being monitored. It’s about choosing to be known, and choosing to help rebuild trust one honest conversation at a time.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- What it means to open up your life to accountability
- Parameters for pushing accountability well
- Ways to offer reassurance and rebuild trust once it has broken
- And more!
We hope this skill is as beneficial for your relationship as it has been in our marriage!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
My Key Takeaways:
1) Pushing accountability means leaving nothing to be discovered. The person who has broken trust is consistently offering everything up rather than waiting for the right question to be asked or for the other person to stumble onto it. In this dynamic, the person who has broken trust is being proactive. This could look like providing regular access to electronic devices and bank accounts, sharing locations, and more. The way this person needs to push accountability will be specific to how trust was broken in their unique situation.
2) Pushing accountability helps build integrity, character, and a genuine heart. Rather than operating out of a place of fear, pushing accountability allows trust to be rebuilt. We like to say that trust is only rebuilt through consistent changed behavior over time. Pushing accountability allows the person to say over and over again, “Look. Let me prove to you all the ways that I’ve changed. You can know that you can trust me.”
3) Pushing accountability lays the foundation for rebuilding a healthy relationship. Instead of being in the “cop” and “criminal” roles, you can be partners again. This perspective shifts the narrative from, “I wonder if or when they will mess up again,” to “I know I can trust them because they’ve already shown me everything.” Pushing responsibility is like having a master key to all aspects of your spouse’s life. As you begin to rebuild the relationship, you’ll find that you won’t need reassurance as much as you did in the beginning.
Would you like to be notified by email when a new No More Perfect Podcast episode releases? Just fill in your name and email and we’ll make sure you’re in the know!
