We are excited to have another listener-submitted question to discuss! This question really hit home with us because it resonated with obstacles we’ve recently overcome in our own lives. It reminded us of the powerful emotional growth and healing that can be achieved in a marriage.
The question was: “Is the woman in the marriage relationship the one who does most of the heavy lifting as far as promoting emotional growth toward each other?”
You know, we find that 75% of the time, it is the woman who is pursuing and initiating things that will promote emotional growth. However, this is less because of gender and more due to attachment styles.
If you didn’t know, we love to talk about attachment styles because of how pivotal this concept has been in our marriage, our emotional intelligence, and our individual growth. Your attachment style will determine all sorts of things about how you relate to your spouse—such as if you reach out to them for connection or feel smothered by attention.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- How people with different attachment styles engage in a relationship
- The underlying reason you long for connection
- Next steps to develop more secure attachment
- And more!
We have certainly benefited from learning about our attachment styles, and we hope this helps you as well!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- Your Guide to Attachment Styles | #MarriageMonday
- No More Perfect Marriages Course
- Understanding Attachment Course
- The Attachment Quiz
- As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks
My Key Takeaways:
1) Get familiar with your attachment style. Before you can begin to change things in your marriage relationship, you need to take the time to understand yourself. Your attachment style will determine how you engage in your relationship, what kind of cycles you may find yourself stuck in, and what areas you need to grow in the most. If you’re not sure what your attachment style is, we have a free quiz you can take to find out!
2) Invite, don’t indite. It’s all too easy to fall into the habit of accusing our spouse—complaining about all the ways they don’t do things—especially if you tend to be the engager in the relationship. However, this blame game only serves to push you farther apart. Instead of doing that, take the time to have a conversation with your spouse about your attachment style and then invite them to do some of the things that will help you feel secure. Here’s an example of what that might look like: “I’m aware I have an anxious attachment style. It would help me a lot to receive reassurance throughout the week. Would you be able to leave me a note throughout the week as a reminder of how much you love and care for me?”
3) When we are securely attached, emotional growth comes easily. There’s a reason why we teach attachment styles so often! That’s because this concept is often the key to becoming more aware of our insecurities, raising our emotional intelligence, and gaining the ability to think critically about ourselves and our actions. Once we attain this self-awareness and start making progress, the emotional growth in our marriages becomes so much easier to address.
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