Last summer I ran this post on being a “yes” mom. Because I personally need the challenge once again, I’m re-posting it for this July!
Last week my boys ran inside and said, “Mom, mom…it’s so hot outside! Can we see if it’s hot enough to cook an egg on the sidewalk?”
The practical side of me started to say no, but then I caught myself. What would it hurt for them to try it? Why couldn’t I say yes? Is it “wasting” an egg, or simply using it for a different, but just as valuable, purpose?
After that quick argument in my head, I finally said, “Sure. If you want to try it, go ahead! Just make sure you wash off the sidewalk when you’re done.” They got an egg from the refrigerator and ran out of the house to try their science experiment.
Over 24 years of mothering, I’ve finally learned how to be a “yes” mom more than a “no” mom. It wasn’t an easy transition…but it was an important one. For years my interactions with my kids looked more like this:
“No, you can’t fingerpaint.” (It will make too much of a mess.)
“No, you can’t bake cookies today.” (I just mopped the kitchen floor!)
“No, you can’t have a friend over today.” (I don’t want to go anywhere today and I’d have to go get them.)
“No, you can’t play in the sprinklers.” (I’m not in the mood for wet swimsuits, towels, and grass tracked in the house.)
“No, you can’t go out and play in the snow.” (I don’t want to deal with the snowsuits, boots, gloves, scarves, and hassle of it all.)
Over time, however, I started paying attention to the “no’s” and my reasoning behind them. It usually had something to do with my selfish reasons. I didn’t want to deal with a mess. I didn’t want to be inconvenienced. I didn’t want to have more work to do.
That’s not fun to admit, but it was true. My selfishness was robbing my kids of some of the joy of just being kids!
I remember one afternoon many years ago when a couple of the kids asked, “Can we blow bubbles in the house? I initially said no because bubbles have always been an outside activity. But then I thought about my answer. Why couldn’t they blow bubbles in the house? We even have the bubble cups that don’t spill! Why do I always say no so quickly? Finally, I called my kids back into the kitchen and said, “Yes, you can blow bubbles in the house. Have a blast.”
And they did.
And I started being more of a “yes” mom, than a “no” mom that day.
Now I’m not talking here about permissive parenting. I’m not talking about the times that we need to say no because our kids really do need us to set boundaries. I’m talking about the times that I say no out of selfishness, or default, or habit.
So what about you? I’m going to declare July as “yes” mom month. Would you like to join me? I want to hear your “yes” mom stories!
The more who share, the more we are all encouraged!
I can’t wait to hear your “yes mom” stories!
I read this post last year and was challenged by it then. It was on my mind this morning when my kids asked to eat leftover cheesecake for breakfast and I said yes. I laughed when they were finished and said they felt a little sick from eating so much cheesecake. 🙂
That's funny, Stephanie! Sometimes being a "yes" mom allows our kids to find out some things for themselves!
what a wonderful post…and quite the challenge! but i am up for it! i too find that i say 'no' out of selfishness and then end up feeling guilty at the end of the day. thanks for re-posting this!!
I was challenged by this last year and I'm thankful you brought it back to challenge me again!
My oldest son (age 4) LOVES to eat supper outside on our deck and asks almost every afternoon as I'm preparing supper if we can eat outside. Even though it's more convenient for me to get everything ready if I only have to walk a few feet between the table and my kitchen – I have decided that if it means that much to him then I can take a few more steps to the table on the deck instead. The joy on his face is reward enough for me.
So often I find myself enjoying life more when I "make" myself say "yes!" to my kids! Makes me feel more like a kid at heart. 🙂
Great encouragement Jill!
It's rainy season in India between June to September especially where I live in Mumbai.
The earth emits a distinct fragrance during the first few days of rain and I have beautiful childhood memories inhaling this fragrance, trying to gather water cupping my tiny hands, sailing paper boats in little puddles of water, intentionally not using the raincoat or umbrella…WOW, just reminiscing makes me nostalgic.
Now, as a mother, very often I have deprived my little girl of this fun experience.
Thanks for your post. I will no longer mind the soaking wet clothes, extra mopping of the floor, slight sneezing & coughing, drying & re-covering the school books.
Starting today im going to be a YES mommy!
I am also taking the challenge! I have been letting my girls read TWO bedtime stories each (instead of 1), trying to be in that moment and cherish each second of it, even though I am soooo exhausted myself, I just want to rush through the routine and go to bed! And when they ask me to lay with them for "one minute" I am doing it – I am going to try to never say no to that simple request again. I use that time to pray for them. IDK why, but bedtime is their favorite time of the day w/ me and it's my worst time w/ them… Or at least it used to be. Relaxing and saying "yes" has honestly made me enjoy it, too:)
Thanks so much for posting this! It's wonderful and really made me think of all the times I give a quick no instead of a slow yes. I'm going to try this month to find those moments to be a "yes mom".
Jill,
Thanks for sharing your personal challenge to be 'yes' moms. My kids are nearly grown up, but there are still plenty of opportunities to say 'yes', when it would be easy to say 'no'. I'm going to do my best to say 'yes' to those simple requests that make a difference in my kids lives.
As I read through the comments, it also made me think about our heavenly Father and how unselfish He is. God is a Yes God. He says Yes many times to our small requests when He could easily say 'No'. In fact, I believe He delights in giving us our hearts desire. We should delight in giving our children their hearts desire, too.
Susan Martin
Susan, Wow, what a concept that God is a "Yes God." You are so right!
One of my 'yes' mom moments!!
http://whimsywords.blogspot.com/2010/07/sidewalk-paint.html