Every Friday is date day for my husband and I. It’s his day off and I keep my calendar open to allow us to spend the day together. And it’s an advance decision we intentionally make to keep a priority in place.
Learning to make advance decisions can be one of the best strategies for protecting your marriage and keeping it a priority. In 24 years of marriage, Mark and I have learned that we need to decide in advance how we will give time, protection, and investment to our marriage. If we don’t make those decisions, the frantic pace of life will eventually erode the love and commitment we have.
Scheduling dates is one advance decision every married couple should make. If you have dates on your calendar for the next three to four month, you are assured that you will take time to play together, have fun together, and carry on a conversation on a regular basis without the interruption of your children. If you’ve never done this before, sit down together with a calendar and put a big heart on the days you will plan for some time together. If your children are young, arrange for a sitter about one month in advance. And don’t worry about dates needing to cost a lot of money, we’re not talking dinner and movie every time. A date can be something as simple as walking together. It can be a picnic in the park or ice skating. What’s most important is that you take time to laugh, talk, and play together.
Scheduling getaways is another advance decision every married couple should make. Once or twice a year, set aside time for a 24-48 hour getaway for just the two of you. Can grandma watch the kids? Can you trade childcare with another couple? With a date on the calendar, the details are ready to be determined and the plans are put in place. This time away is essential for couples to remember what it’s like to sleep until noon together or to spend the day hiking trails. This is when you take the time to do things like bike trails, museums, or taking in a ball game together like you did before you had kids.
Scheduling intimacy is a third advance decision married couples should make…especially couples with kids. Too often we expect physical intimacy to always be spontaneous, but in a life with children the pace is frantic and the exhaustion is constant. Spontaneity happens occasionally, but not often enough for a healthy love life. Smart couples who make a commitment to a regular schedule of intimacy find this advance decision is one of the best decisions they make for their marriage. For the person with a higher desire for intimacy, it assures them sex will happen and when. For the partner with a lesser desire for intimacy, it builds anticipation and helps them prepare mentally and physically for the time together.
Finally, setting boundaries for interacting with member of the opposite sex is a fourth advance decision every couple should make. This is one of the most important decisions we need to make because it protects the marriage relationship. Temptation often happens when we least expect it and if we haven’t put boundaries in place—advance decisions about interacting with the opposite sex—we may find ourselves drawn to someone other than our spouse. Smart couples agree to refrain from being alone with someone of the opposite sex. They agree to draw some lines that recognize the possibilities of temptation and intentionally place distance between someone of the opposite sex.
Too often, we move through life without much intentionality and then we pay a hefty price down the road. What goals do you have for your marriage? Do you want it to last a lifetime? Do you want to enjoy the season of raising children together? Answer those questions and then make advance decisions that will turn your goals into reality. A little bit of planning and intentional investment can go a long way to make our dreams of life-long love come true.
Can you think of any other advance decisions couples ought to make?
Bless each others' calendars. Over the years if there is going to be extra time away from the family, my husband and I look at the calendar, decide if its a good idea to be away, if there is something else that we can cancel, if we need to say no, or if we just need to bear up for that time period. We have few surprises on how many nights a week one of us is gone.
Joni,
That's really good! Thank you for sharing!
Learn how to fight fair 🙂
1. Do not you Never or Always ("you never help me")
2. Stay on topic
3. Do not use personal insults/attacks
4. When you apologize, mean it, and ask for forgiveness and wait for your spouse to let you know they forgive you
5. Once there is forgiveness, the topic can not be brought back up as "evidence" for a new arguement 🙂
Great advice, Jessena!
Hi Jill
In the evenings, when the kids are already in bed we use to play cards together. It is great fun as we concentrate on how to frustrate the opposite in the game. Bun then we always have a little price to win. ;-))
Those hours are so special to us and we won't ever miss those hours.
Now I am a bit afraid of hte coming evenings. Becaus ema husband will go to the US for a business trip. It will last several weeks.
So I will spend evenings without my husband. Please pray for my that my lust for chocolate will not overwhelm ma and my belly!
Take care
Diane
Diane,
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. This time away from your husband can be good for you two and really make you miss each other.
Get some books to read in the evenings that you've been wanting to read. Use the time differently and it will go by faster!
hi jill what about not being able to afford a sitter? we have 2 little ones under the age of 2, we SORELY need date nights, not just conversation in between diaper changes and dinner extravaganza..(by that i mean the chaos of a meal we eat before bedtime:)