If you’ve been listening to our show for a while, you probably already know what a crucial role attachment styles played in us becoming our “2.0 selves.” This concept was so transformative for our marriage that we created a complete guide to the different attachment styles and how they play a role in relationships. For this conversation, we are focusing on how to become more securely attached within your own soul.
Many of us often feel alone, unseen, or empty inside even if we are surrounded by family or friends. When we struggle with a fear of being hurt or a longing to belong completely, that inner turmoil can cause an ache in our relationships.
While our instinct may be to turn to a spouse or close relationship to fill that void and calm our fears, the real solution is to do the work that is needed inside our own soul. Until our inner world becomes grounded and connected, we will always struggle to feel truly secure anywhere else.
Joining us to invite each of you on a journey toward a secure soul is Dr. Alison Cook. Alison is a Psychologist of Religion, a Licensed Therapist, and host of the top-ranked podcast, The Best of You. She is known for her work that combines faith, psychology, and spiritual formation. Alison helps people cultivate a secure inner life by healing past wounds, strengthening a grounded sense of self, building healthy relationships, and experiencing God as a steady and loving presence.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- How our inner self impacts our relationships
- How our “controller” and “shadow” aspects interact with everyday life
- Who our greatest partner in doing this inner work is
- And more!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- Prefer to watch this episode? You can now view and subscribe to our YouTube.
- [BOOK] The Secure Soul: Finding Inner Strength and Connection When Trust Doesn’t Come Easy
- [BOOK] How We Love
- [BOOK] Boundaries for Your Soul: How to Turn Your Overwhelming Thoughts and Feelings into Your Greatest Allies
- Secured Soul Book Website
- Connect with Alison on her website, Instagram, or Facebook
- As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks.
My Key Takeaways:
1) Move beyond your head knowledge. This may not be the first time you’ve heard about attachment styles or learned about the power of moving toward more secure attachment. However, even if you’ve read all the books or listened to all the podcasts on this topic, there’s a point at which that knowledge needs to move from your head down to your heart. Set aside some time to sit alone and consider what you know about attachment and how it applies to you personally. Are there areas of tenderness in your own soul that need tending to? Where do you feel fearful or have a deep longing for connection?
2) Recognize bids for connection from yourself. The term “bid for connection” is usually discussed in the context of romantic relationships, and it comes from the Gottmans. We are often making bids for connection with our spouse by bringing up things that matter to us and seeing how they respond. Our inner self does the same. Anytime we experience intense emotions, that’s our soul bringing our attention to something important. When this occurs, it’s an invitation to explore why we are having that feeling, connect with our inner self, and tend to our soul.
3) We don’t have to do this alone. Just because we are looking inward and working on becoming more secure within our soul doesn’t mean we are the only ones who can do this. As Alison said, “we are not a single parent to our soul.” We have a partner in God as we learn about ourselves and seek to grow. He is with us to provide insight, comfort, and healing to those tender places. We can also find a supportive community in our family and friends, or by working with a coach or counselor.
About Alison:
Dr. Alison Cook is a Psychologist of Religion, a Licensed Therapist, and host of the top-ranked podcast, The Best of You. She is known for her work that combines faith, psychology, and spiritual formation. Alison helps people cultivate a secure inner life by healing past wounds, strengthening a grounded sense of self, building healthy relationships, and experiencing God as a steady and loving presence. Allison calls the mountains of Wyoming home with her husband, Joe, with whom she has two adult children.
Would you like to be notified by email when a new No More Perfect Podcast episode releases? Just fill in your name and email and we’ll make sure you’re in the know!
