When my two younger boys were 12 and 14, they ran inside one hot summer days and asked, “Mom…it’s so hot outside! Can we see if it’s hot enough to cook an egg on the sidewalk?” The practical side of me started to say no, but then I caught myself. What would it hurt for them to try it? Why couldn’t I say yes? Is it “wasting” an egg, or simply using it for a different, but just as valuable, purpose?
After that quick argument in my head, I finally said, “Sure. If you want to try it, go ahead! Just make sure you wash off the sidewalk when you’re done.” They got an egg from the refrigerator and ran out of the house to try their science experiment.
At that point I’d been mothering for 24 years and I’d finally learned how to be a “yes” mom more than a “no” mom. It wasn’t an easy transition…but it was an important one. For years my interactions with my kids looked more like this:
“No, you can’t fingerpaint.” (It will make too much of a mess.)
“No, you can’t bake cookies today.” (I just mopped the kitchen floor!)
“No, you can’t have a friend over today.” (I don’t want to go anywhere today and I’d have to go get them.)
“No, you can’t play in the sprinklers.” (I’m not in the mood for wet swimsuits, towels, and grass tracked in the house.)
“No, you can’t go out and play in the snow.” (I don’t want to deal with the snowsuits, boots, gloves, scarves, and hassle of it all.)
Over time, however, I started paying attention to the “no’s” and my reasoning behind them. It usually had something to do with my selfish reasons. I didn’t want to deal with a mess. I didn’t want to be inconvenienced. I didn’t want to have more work to do.
That’s not fun to admit, but it was true. My selfishness was robbing my kids of some of the joy of just being kids!
I remember one afternoon many years ago when a couple of the kids asked, “Can we blow bubbles in the house? I initially said no because bubbles have always been an outside activity. But then I thought about my answer. Why couldn’t they blow bubbles in the house? We even have the bubble cups that don’t spill! Why do I always say no so quickly? Finally, I called my kids back into the kitchen and said, “Yes, you can blow bubbles in the house. Have a blast.”
And they did.
And I started being more of a “yes” mom, than a “no” mom that day.
Now I’m not talking here about permissive parenting. I’m not talking about the times that we need to say no because our kids really do need us to set boundaries. I’m talking about the times that I say no out of selfishness, or default, or habit.
So what about you? Would you like to join me? I can’t wait to hear your stories!
Oh, I'm going to try. Sometimes my children's requests are hard to say yes to. But I will do my best to be a "yes" mom this month.
Martha
I just had a "yes" mom moment yesterday! We live in a neighborhood that is rather quiet and easily missed. So the ice cream man rarely comes through our neighborhood, if we're lucky it comes through twice a year. Anyway, it came throught yesterday and the kids were bouncing up and down yelling "please mom, please mom" and I thought yes….yes you guys can. I actually thought about when I was a kid and the ice cream man came through and how excited I got when I was able to get one. So three of my five went running out and got ice cream treats! Not only did they get ice cream treats for themselves, but my little kiddo's got an ice cream treat for dad and a treat for me. We never asked or said get us one they just did. They impress me everyday! Paige Treichel
Paige and Martha,
Thanks for getting us started!
Paige, that's so neat about the ice cream truck. You go girl!
Martha, you can do it. And remember its not saying yes to everything they ask for, it's saying yes when the "no" answer would have something to do with you being inconvenienced in some way.
For the last few months, I've been saying "yes" as much as I possibly can because my daughter will be leaving for college in September. Every time I start to say, "I'm too busy" or "I'm too tired," I think to myself, "But this is one of our last chances to ____ together!" (Fill in the blank with "go to Jamba Juice" or "take a walk to the beach" or "look at her new photos on Flickr while she describes her PhotoShop skills in detail")
My kids are 18 and 16, now. I sure wish I'd said "yes" a lot more when they were little . . . yes to more moments together that cost little more than time and willingness!
My son wanted to have a dunking booth. So I told him , "yes"! He took the old wheel barrow, put water in it, placed a homemade target on it and we threw foam balls at the target at it while he thre himself into the wheel barrow everytime the ball "hit" the target! He was a mess afterwards and the clean up was messy, but he had a blast as did the rest of us getting to "dunk the boy"!!
Oh, Jill….I needed to hear this. I'm up for the challenge!! I'm tired of being a selfish mom! I feel the same way when the kids ask me to paint, play in the snow, help me bake, etc. I never really thought about how I was robbing them of some of their childhood joys. Thank you for making this point!
Just this morning, my 7 year old son asked me to play catch with him. My initial response was to tell him no because I was in the middle of doing laundry. But I put my basket down and my glove on and went outside and played catch with him. Not only was it fun for him, but it was good for me too! I think that sometims us moms forget that we are allowed to go outside and just play!
Cheri, Lynn, and Jenna,
Great job on the Yes stories! Welcome to the team!
Cheri–you challenged me with your story about photoshop. My 18-year-old daughter is ALWAYS wanting me to look at her photos on the computer. It becomes so easy to put it off. But I won't anymore because of the story you shared! Thank you!
i remember your post a while back about being a 'memory maker' and not a 'memory taker'. this goes along those same lines and is a good reminder during these summer months to not shy away just because of messiness or my laziness! thanks for the reminder!
I needed to read this…I'm in!
Kelly,
You're right, this does go along with that post about being a memory maker not a memory taker. Thanks for that reminder!
Heresthediehl, I'm glad you're in!
I was a "Yes!" mom last week! I have three boys…6, 4, and 1.5. Our new house has a pool, but I rarely take the kids out…I have too much to get done during the day, it's too much work watching all three of them in the pool by myself, etc. They usually have to wait until Daddy gets done with work before they can go out. Last week I was determined to change it and we went out EACH afternoon! Yes, I still had housework to do, but when DON'T I? 🙂
hi jill! love this post! i just posted the challenge on my blog http://www.sarahlett.blogspot.com
the day is young, so i wonder what fun things i'll be saying "yes" to today 🙂
I had a yes moment yesterday. My little boy (age 4) has this game he made up at my Mom's office one day, he named it 2121. He had put the dots for the hole punch in an ice cream scoop and then flick the handle so the dots fly everywhere. He'd done this at Gramma's office and then my aunt made him a box with a hole punch, paper, and ice cream scoop. Yesterday he saw a picture of him playing 2121 and asked if he could play. I said nah, not today and then remembered the yes challenge…so he played while I fixed supper. It is messy but he loves it and thinks it is so funny. It doesn't hurt anything and he helps clean it up too. I'm glad I said yes. 🙂
Sarah–Let us know about your "yes" moments today! And thanks for posting the challenge on your blog, too!
Karalin and bp,
Great stories! Thanks for sharing! bp–your story reminded me of the silly games Austin used to make up when he was about 4. He's 12 now and there's no more silly games like that. Enjoy them now!
Jill,
Can I just tell you HOW MUCH I love this?
I can be so guilty of being a NO mom because of selfishness or other silly reasons. I have three sons, ages 5, 3, and 2, and they are always wanting to do off-the-wall things. I try to remind myself constantly to "say YES whenever you can, because in our world, there is so much that you HAVE to say NO to!"
But, I don't always do that. This is such a wonderful reminder. Tomorrow, Lord-willing, I am going to be posting this challenge to my blog–and I plan to make an entry every single day in the month of July as to what I did to be a YES Mom that day.
Today, for the record–it was driving back into town (even though I was almost home!) to take my boys to "Old McDonalds" for lunch and playtime. They love it there–I hate it there! But today, I said yes. They had a blast, and I was so glad I did it!
Again, thank you so much for this challenge!
{While I have been MIA on the Real Moms discussion for a while, I have still been reading. I have been behind (on sooooo many things!) due to the sudden death of my infant niece–we've been gone a lot and I've not been on my computer nearly as much as normal. But, I am getting caught up, and plan on rejoining the discussion this week or next. I am loving the book more and more each chapter–thank you again for writing such a wonderful, heart-hitting book!}
Devin,
You are sooooo right. There is so much in this world that we do need to say NO to! And that's why it's valuable to say yes to as much as possible that we can make happen–even if it inconveniences us in some way. Thanks for reminding us of that.
I'm so sorry about the death of your niece. That has to be so very hard.
What a great idea!! I totally needed to read this!! I actually already had an opportunity to say "yes" to my kids today. Lucy, my three year old asked to wash the dishes today. I realize that I should look at this as a great time to teach her some responsibility, but normally I would tell her "not right now" because it is less messy and goes much more quickly if I do it myself. Today, I decided to let her help and she had a great time and she worked really hard. Norah, my five year old, also asked to help with something so I let her snap the green beans for dinner. She, too, worked really hard and I only have to do 1/2 the bag! There are green bean ends all over the counter and floor, but who cares!!
Heather,
I love your "yes" moments! Thanks for sharing!
Yesterday my little guy (3) wanted to play baseball so bad. That was his only request outside. I was suffering from a headache and just wanted to sit down for a few minutes to see if it would go away. I also needed to get supper started. Anyway, I decided baseball was more important so outside we went, the tee stand went up and the balls went flying. We had so much fun. Supper was a little late and my headache subsided for a little while but I had one happy little guy. He went to bed with his baseball bat next to his bed.
Martha
Yeah Martha! Great job!
Just a baby step here, but I said yes today when the 2 little fellas I nanny for ask if they could put their windows down as we drove home from the park. We'd been outside a couple of hours and I was hot and in need of the A/C. But I decided that it didn't really matter if the windows were down while the A/C was on, we could all be happy. I blasted the A/C in the front and they were thrilled that their windows were down in the back. I don't normally "cool the whole East Coast" as my grandma says, but I'm glad I did today.
adam got away with a chocolate fudgesicle after breakfast lol. but we had a library trip today and they got to pick out random dvds and books. a drive through mcdonald's for dinner, and lots of "hey mom,come here" time. cayley and i are staying up late to watch anne of green gables on dvd 🙂
I posted the challenge this afternoon on my blog–as well as the past two days worth of activities of saying "Yes!"–and have had many positive responses. What a great challenge this is Jill!
Thanks, Jill. I needed this reminder so badly. I'm in.
My guys have asked to stay up all night. They have asked before and I have said no, but this Friday (tomorrow) I am going to say yes, as long as they do not keep everyone else up! They are so excited. What is a tired child once in awhile! They will have a campout in their bedrooms and have a blast! Thanks for the challenge!
Amanda,
It's amazing how little things like riding in the car with the windows down means to kids. Good for you!
Sarah,
All those times you responded to "Hey mom…come here" is what tells your kids that you love them.
Devin,
Thanks for helping spread the word and inviting other moms to join in the challenge!
Stephenie,
Welcome to the challenge! You can do it!
Lynn,
They'll never make it all night, but it's great to let them think they can!
(I have never "posted" anything, so I hope I am doing this right!) My 3 year old daughter wanted to do the "playdoh" haircut thing this morning as I was attempting to pick up the house. I cringed at the thought of pink and orange neon playdoh raining down everywhere. I took a deep breath and reluctantly said, "yes" when with all my heart, I SO wanted to say "no". She joyfully gave the plastic lady with the holes in her head haircut after haircut while we chatted and I cleaned up the kitchen. We both had a fun time – I'm glad I said, "yes"!
I confess I've been more of a "no" mom than a "yes" mom this year. My kids are 6,4,2 & 8 months so I have little energy left by supper time!
For the last month we've had more rainy days than sunny days which means my kids are bouncing off the wall! So with this challenge in mind I suggested they play outside in the rain (a gentle sprinkle really). My oldest 2 are boys. They chose to just wear swimsuits while #3 is a girl and wanted her raincoat (just like a girl!). They were so cute running around. Of course they found a puddle to jump in, throw sticks in and splatter mud everywhere.
It took awhile to clean them up but I had to laugh as each one sang "Singing in the Rain" while I showered them off. Thanks for the encouragement to make a fun memory!! 🙂
Stephenie,
Yeah!!!!! What a great "yes" mom story!
Mary,
Thank you for reminding us that while it's easier to say no, when we say yes and get to the other side of it and watch our children enjoying the moment….we're so glad we said yes. Great job!
We just got back from vacation. And while I usually say "Yes" a lot more on vacation than in every day life, there are still times that I want to say "No" and do my thing instead of theirs. All that to say, I said "Yes" to almost everything for the last 4 days – biking, putt-putt, swimming, fishing, canoeing – all day long. And they absolutely loved it!
Jill,
I have a "yes dad" story for you to add to the "yes mom" challenge!! Yesterday my husband was home for the 4th holiday. He travels a lot and had a lot to do, but took a few hours off to take the kids to the local pool with me. "Why not, yes, I'll go even though I have a lot to get caught up on!" So it is catching even with the man in my household!!
Cathy,
Great job! What fun memories you gave your kids!
Lynn–Wow! I love the "yes" dad story! Very cool!
I love this post. I think sometimes with all that a mom is trying to do on a daily basis it can sometime be overwhelming to say yes to a little one's request. You have inspired me to remember that the laundry will be there tomarrow my five year old will not as she will be six , then seven, then eight……my dishes will be there but my son will turn four , then five, then six….I want my children to remember fun times not laundry and dishes and a mother who was to busy to say yes. Thanks for the inspiration!
I'm in! My blog post just went up today…
http://llamamomma.blogspot.com/2009/07/baked-ice-cream.html
I've been challenged in this area too, lately. Everything from bubbles in the house (it's been 100 degrees with a heat index of 110 outside – no bubbles were going to happen outside!) to bringing toys into the living room to making tents in their rooms with their bedspreads.
I think the biggest one for me lately, though, has been singing to them at night. It's not that I have anything against singing – not at all. We love to join together for a sweet song before turning out the lights. But, it's summer time. As much as we've tried to stick with a routine (we even homeschool year-round to maintain a routine!), it just doesn't happen in the summer. So, bedtime has just been late. I've always said that if they aren't in bed by a certain time, it's too late to sing a song. But lately I've asked myself why? Is it really going to make that big of a difference to sing a song or two with the girls? How long will it delay? Five minutes? Is it really a concern about how late they're getting to bed, or is it my own hurry to get out of their room and do what I want to do with what's left of the evening? I've had to confess that often it's the latter. So, I've made a change. We sing almost every night. And, it's really, really sweet!
He wanted to "play airport" today which meant getting out the suitcase and filling it with stuff. I said no at first but then thought why not? So I said okay!
Jill, what a wonderful thing to remind all us moms, whether our kids are little or "bigger" to say "yes" more often. Our daughter and son are 22 and 24 and college students and like Cheri, wish I had said "yes" more often when they were little. Our 22 daughter, a Biology major at ISU and an animal lover, is working at Brookfield Zoo this summer and recently asked if we could adopt an aging bunny in need of a home. This would be in addition to the two cats and dog which were also a result of saying "yes". 🙂
My first instinct was to say "no", but when she mentioned how much she had grown attached to "Wikki" during her 3 summers working at the zoo and discussed in detail the research she had done on bunnies, I gave a "yes" after talking it over with my husband. Her excitement and preparation for this bunny, which we will officially adopt from Brookfield at the end of the summer, are contagious. There are other moments of saying "yes" to just listening, talking over her plans for the future, etc. Soon she will be moving out and have a life of her own, so these last memory making moments are precious.
Thank you so much for posting this. I am definitely in on this challenge! I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I want to be more of a "yes" mom rather than just saying "no" out of purely selfish reasons.
Yesterday I took my four year olds to a preschool fitness class and noticed that they were so timid to try things while some of the other kids just jumped into the activities. I wonder if this is because I have hampered them in some ways because of saying "no" way too often.
I'm going to be blogging about this and posting the button on my blog.
What a great idea!
When I got home yesterday from work I began to start my afternoon to do list (fold laundry, work out and prep dinner) when my five year old asked if I would sit down and color with him… So, I said yes and my laundry is still unfolded, no workout yesterday and we ended up having breakfast for dinner because there was nothing prep… so worth saying yes and seeing him little face light up!!
my almost 2 year old loves to "help." and by help i mean mess things up so i have to clean them again. he likes to "help" by picking up empty pop cans (because hubby and i can't seem to put them in the recycling when we're finished with our drink) and throwing them on the living room floor. many times they end up under the couch. a few days ago he wanted to play with the cans. i of course, said no because i didn't want to clean the mess i knew it was going to make. i took the cans from the recycling and put them in a bag. before i knew it, he was bringing me cans from the living room and putting them in the bag with me. so today when he kept pointing at the cans, i gave him the little waste basket, and he collected cans from around the house, even getting down on his belly to look under the couches! he brought the waste baskeet to me in the kitchen with about 5 cans in it and looked at me, clapped, and yelled, "YAY!" he was proud of himself, and i was worried about a mess! very quickly, he learned how to really help!
Pat–You're right dishes and laundry will always be there but your kids won't!
Llama Momma–Thanks for posting this on your blog!
Ann–Keep on singing!!!
Bethany—Good for you for playing airport!
Sue–I agree…when they are older we still need to say yes!
Monica–I'm glad you're thinking about this.
Karen–Welcome to the discussion!
Ronel–Happy coloring!
Missy–Good for you saying yes to letting him "help!"
Yes, we can do water balloons!
It was such fun for both of us.
Thank you Jill, for encouraged us to let our kids have fun! Today I was a yes mom!! My daughter (who is a very energetic 4 year old) and I went shopping. We had many places to go in preparation for my other daughter's 6th b-day. This was my only day to get everything done – needless to say, I was focused. When we entered the grocery store, a car-style shopping cart greeted us. My daughter was so excited – I on the other hand was dreading the impending question. Am I the only one who hates those carts? Anyway – she asked if we could take that cart. I held my breath for a second and then said, "sure". She was so excited and was good the whole way through the store. Even though I felt people were staring at me, she had a blast and that is all that matters. She even strapped the cheese into the passangers seat. Thanks for the reminder!!! Cathy Letcher
WOW! I needed to hear this more than ever! I like things neat and clean and when the kids make a mess, I can get really mad. I've gotten much better about that, but still say "No" a lot more than I say "Yes". I'm taking the challenge! Can't wait to post some yes moments soon!!
Nicki
We played in the rain and they made an indoor slide! Fun!
http://perezpalmettoplace.blogspot.com/2009/07/yes-mothering-moments.html
Cathy, Bethany, and Caroline–Good for you! You made great "yes" fun!
Nicki—Welcome to the "yes" mom team!
My 6 year old daughter is always wanting to sleep on the couch instead of her bed. I am always saying no, she will try and fake sleep so I won't move her to her room. Well usually I move her anyway and she pouts and carries on. Well it was a yes night tonight. Her dad and I decided a night on the couch is an easy yes answer. Made her smile and bedtime a breeze. 🙂
I am usually not very good at saying yes, just because when I do it involves a mess for me. So after reading your post I have been very good at evaluating what saying yes would really mean. For example happy kids who think I'm awesome. My kids love to make cookies and only eat the dough. (kids after my own heart 🙂 I usually say no because then I have to clean all the flour, sugar, etc up and when they make it, it usually doesn't taste that good and it goes to waste. I finally said yes. The cookie dough turned out pretty good and they for some reason thought it was fun to help clean up. What a great lesson for all of us!!
well tonite my daughter and I were the only 2 at home. I was wasting time on face book and she was playing. I was getting up to do dishes d pick up the kitchen. Here she comes with her Jr. Scrabble game. "Mommy will you play" My first thought was, oh I have dishes and picking up to do plus it is almost bed time. YES came out and we had a very nice game. She is now in bed and yes the dishes are still waiting but now I have some quiet time to get them done before I head to bed. Made her happy and yes she even won. Thank You Jill for all the great things you share with us.
I had a "yes mom" moment yesterday when I was busy painting a room and my kids asked me to play a game with them they made up that involved tag, a sprinkler, and moving sports equipment to two different sides of the lawn. I really didn't have time to play as we're putting our house up for sale very soon and I have a ton of painting to do, but I remembered your post and said "yes". We had so much fun and I don't regret getting a little less painting done 🙂
I had a Yes moment this morning. My daughters and I were completing morning chores that the boys usually do (they are at Bible camp this week) and they said "Mom, it would be so fun to go for a walk!" (they are 4 & 6). My normal answer would have been "not now" thinking of my to do list for the day. Instead I said "Yes"! It was a special time for all three of us. This challenge is great! I hope I can implement it beyond this summer challenge!
Jennifer
We have had this 2-person tent for a couple of years now and have never used it. My daughter has asked a couple of times to put it up in the backyard and sleep in it with me and I've said no. Well, on Monday I dug it out of the closet, set it up myself and then told her to look out in the backyard. She was so happy. We slept out there together and had a ball. She made the comment to me something like "Mom, some of my friends would never enjoy sleeping in this tent with their moms, but I love it, thanks" That made it all worth while!
At 4:15pm today, I was about to sneak away to FINALLY take a shower – I desperately needed my prayer & personal hygiene time! My 6 month old was napping and my other 6 kids were occupied, so I thought I finally would have 5 minutes of peace. As I headed for the bathroom, the words "Mommy, can you cut up the canteloupe for me?" stopped me in my tracks. My 3 year old daughter giggled and I could hear the baby waking up on the monitor as I cut up that delicious canteloupe into bite size pieces. At that moment, it hit me. I realized that my whole day and my whole summer has been one big "YES" moment after the next! (Maybe that's why I'm so pooped!) The baseball games, the basketball games, the Driver's Ed, the birthday parties, the water balloon frenzy, the spontaneous trips to DQ, the walks, the park time, the hugs, the kisses, the back scratching, the sparkly nail polish, the play-doh and even the canteloupe are just a few of the things I'm glad I said "yes!" to.
Durning my quest to say "yes" more we ened up at our local park instead of running errands. It was the first stop of the morning. My 5 year old daughter slid off the slide and hurt her back, so instead of the list of errands planned that morning we ended up at home with an ice pack on her back. At first I was upset because I said yes where I would have normally said no and just got all my errands ran and finished for the day , but then I thought about her face going down that big slide and while home with the ice pack on she watched a cartoon she normally doesn't get to because we always have something to do on that day, so maybe I was meant to say yes and learn to slow down a little…I'm still saying yes more , and it had payed off in the joy of my children, and a more relaxed mom, thank you jill and all the other moms who are posting….keep encourage one another…..
Your post really struck a cord with me. I am a lot like your early years… always saying "NO" because I don't want to deal with the mess, or I have something else I want to do, or it is just "too hard" with four little ones that all want to be involved. When I read this post a month ago, I was determined to be a "YES" mom this month and post lots of comments to be entered for the mom resource package, I could use it!!
Now the month is almost over and I never posted. It's not that I NEVER said "yes", I just never thought it was a big enough deal to share here, but I did not say "Yes" as often as I could have.
So my "YES" today was playing T-ball outside with 3 little ones taking turns, and even staying outside while it was sprinkling. Now it is watching Mary Poppins and eating cereal in the living room even though lunch is only 30 minutes away.
Had a yes moment yesterday as my 4 and 3 yo wanted to sleep together I usually don't let them sleep in the same bed as they do not fall asleep until midnight due to playing but last night I said ok. They are a little cranky but they won't die. lol
Yeah Julie Anne! You did it!
Ms. Pinky, you are creating special memories for them!
The other day I ended up with 7 boys instead of my 2 in the house. They had been researching a science experiment on the internet that involved boiling ingredients on the stove. I decided to let them try the experiement (with my supervision!)eventhough there were many other things they could be doing outside on this gorgeous day. All 7 of them read the experiment, measured the ingredients and followed the directions to the best of their abilities (ages 8 to 12) and even though it did not work the way they wanted, they sure did have a good time! I was very glad I said "yes" that day because 5 of those boys went home with smiles on their faces and my 2 talked about it with their dad for the rest of the evening!
Right now my children and some of their friends are putting LEGO creations in the tub, to see which ones will float. My bathroom will probably be all wet by the time this is done, but I'm trying to be a "Yes" mom.
A few years ago, I finally got to a point that when my kids called my name I answered with "Yes" simply to say yes more in the day!
There are 11 cousins (including my kids) on my husbands side of the family ages 16 to 3. They are great kids, but I might be a tad partial! For my oldest son's birthday he wanted to have all the cousins over for a sleep over (we call it "cousin swap"–It started to give 2 of the three couples a date 24 hours and we rotated who hosted.) His birthday is the end of June but we have all been out of town or busy. But the promise was made. Now, in the last week, my husband has gotten a new job and we are moving in 2 weeks. I told my son that, Yes, we would still do cousin swap. Now I need to go clean up and dive in to some packing! (Maybe I'll take a nap first!)
I love when I am able to tell my daughter "yes" for something that won't really make much of a difference in the long run. I told her yes that she can use her sleeping bag as a blanket. She is pretending to that she has a fancy bed. Why not spark her interest?
I am letting my boys keep 8 turtles in a baby pool in the backyard. I am even allowing them to feed them our ham and turkey. Here are pics:
http://6blessings.blogspot.com/2009/07/time-for-turtles.html
Not sure what we'll do with them this winter :-O
I said "yes" to making "strawberry yogurt pops". The recipe was from the "Hi Five" magazine. It was very simple, and WE had so much fun!
I forgot to enter this earlier this week, it was actually a Yes Dad moment but I wanted to share it. We were driving to visit my Mom and our son asked Dad to sit in the back with him. I was going to be driving b/c he was sitll recovering from his tonsillectomy. Dad normally doesn't sit in the back but it made our son's day. I thought of this yes mom challenge, such an easy thing but it made our son so happy for Daddy to be there by him.
I thought about my "yes" moments all month thanks to this blog. Yes, we fried an egg on the driveway on a Pacific NW 107 degree day, yes we had not one but two popsicles in one sitting, yes I listened to stories when I thought I should fold laundry, and yes I played "pirates" yesterday for a whole hour rather than email. Thanks for the encouragement in the right direction.
Your post on being a "yes" mom has definitely been a convicting and challenging one. I struggle with this as I have a daughter who is one to take a mile when given and inch! As we parent, episode by episode, we are constantly reminding our children to focus on what we are currently discussing and not bringing in "other" times. Well, my daughter was grounded the day after we returned from vacation and the day after that (today) she asks "Can I have some friends sleep over". Well, I was still seething from what she was grounded for and was tempted to say "no" based on something she had already been punished for – and reminded of the words I use when talking with my kids – "focus on this time"; I needed to focus on today – so, I sit here now listening to the giggles and screams of 11 yrs old girls enjoying the benefits of my "yes" moment! Deb Strom
I was never a "no" mom because I was a "no" dad. I was terrible because no would come out of my mouth before I even thought about the question. It was easy and it meant I never had to deal with anything. My wife could say "yes" if she wanted and then she would have to deal with it. God placed a loving spirit in my wife and she helped me see how I was hurting our sons and my relationship with them and her. I was being selfish as a husband and father. Thinks are better by not perfect. I try to consider everything before answering but still fight the urge to say "no" first. I have seen changes in my relationship with my sons and my wife over the last couple of years but know that I have a long way to go.
PretzelSteelersFan,
Thanks for adding to the conversation from a dad's perspective! Keep working toward being a yes dad more often!
I am a working mom and saying yes after a long day at work is not an easy thing to do. But I have taken on your challenge and yesterday I had an awesome yes mom experience with my two girls. They wanted to paint themselves with butterscotch pudding. After the whole scenario raced through my head, how am I going to clean them up, I said YES. They had fun drawing all sorts of things on themselves and painting their nails and sucking pudding off of the paint brush. Then, I told them to play in the slip n slide to get clean. It worked out great! I will not forget the giggles and smiles each of them had on their faces. It was a beautiful "yes" moment. ~ Valerie Shoger
Valerie…I love it! You are a great "yes" mom!
I just read this (directed by a friend) and know that I am so guilty of often being a no-mom. This brought tears to my eyes. I couldn't even read the comments because I knew I would be bawling. I missed July, but there's always today, right? I want to do this; I hope I can. Thank you more than you know. Johanna
Johanna,
Yes, there is always today! You can do it!
This is a work in progress for me. I realized this years ago: I need to say "yes" when I can because there are enough things I cannot say "yes" to–"NO" will be an imperative. It does help make memories and impromptu fun. And it is often very hard to face the results of yes–with 6 children still at home, I am always reluctant to allow them to add to my messes to clean up. However, I want to be the "yes-mom" as much as possible, so that is what I do. It surely was nice to read the reminder, though! =)
Thanks!
I have tried to be a "yes mom" without realizing it I guess and sometimes to the detriment of keeping a house all cleaned up! But, I feel like there are so many other things that I have to say "no" to that if my children want to do something that is not going to cause harm, I should seriously consider saying yes. I think it is so rewarding to see my kids' eyes light up when I say yes to something that is so fun for them even though it might cause me an inconvenience. They won't be little and home with me forever!–[email protected]
I was headed this direction, but this blog pushed me to decide to be a "yes" mom, I was a wonderful "no" mom before. A couple days ago my 4.5 yr old son asked me if we could have a pineapple fight. I thought: "Where do they come up with this stuff?" [later I made the connection to the VeggieTales David & Goliath video]. But I said: "maybe so, I don't have any pineapple right now, so we'll think about it later" and we continued on. Yesterday he asked me again. I said: "Pineapple could kindof sting your skin and eyes, but I have watermelon today, would that work?" so we agreed to use 1/3 of the watermelon I had bought that morning at the market, cut it up with a melon-baller (which happens to be one of his favorite things to do so I got double points on this), and my two boys stripped down to their undies and had a watermelon fight in the shower! I was hilarious! I am sure MY mother would never have let us do this, and I was thankful my husband was a work because I doubt he would have gone for it either 🙂 I am so glad I let them do it, and we just washed the mess down the drain. Blessings to you!
12-31-2010: I just read about being a YES-MOM and I loved it! It reminded me to say yes more often, even if it means inconveniencing me….I identified with the 'selfish' aspect of saying no. I have tried, when I catch myself wanting to say no, to say yes more often, especially if it 'isn't a big deal' about what they are asking for. Thank you for all your blogs…they are so inspirational and often just what I needed for that day!!