The topic of this episode was inspired by a question submitted by one of our listeners:
What does it take to heal a family after trust has been broken? How do you acknowledge the wider influence of pain, and where do you go from there?
As marriage coaches, we often talk about healing your relationship with your spouse. However, after a betrayal, your husband or wife isn’t the only person you need to consider. It’s also important to make amends with family and friends who’ve been affected by your actions.
Trust can be broken by infidelity, separation, or divorce—but also by false promises, financial misuse, uncontrolled anger, and more. Regardless of how it happened, the first step to rebuilding is recognizing how your choices impact not just your marriage, but those around you. After that, healing what has been damaged takes time, effort, and intentionality.
In this episode, you’ll learn about:
- Why infidelity is just one of many ways that trust can be broken
- How to recognize which relationships in your life need repairing after a betrayal
- Helpful principles for rebuilding trust
- And much more!
We’ve walked the hard road of healing from broken trust as a family, and we hope this conversation is helpful as you navigate this challenging—but essential—journey.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- [BOOK] My Heart Is Broken
- [BOOK] I Really Messed Up
- Marriage 2.0 Intensive Retreat
- Rebuilding Trust Course
- Rebuilding Trust Webinar
- As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks
My Key Takeaways:
1) Consider who is in your circle of influence. For us, the list of people who were affected by Mark’s actions was fairly extensive. However, not everyone’s lives are as public as ours were at the time of his infidelity. It could be that your list includes your immediate family—such as your children and parents—and no one else. Maybe it includes your extended friend group. This list will look different for each couple, but the important thing to remember is that, before you can move towards healing, you must consider who could be hurting as a result of your actions.
2) Start “cleaning things up” in the correct order. We encourage you to make yourself right with God before you do anything else. As you allow God to do His healing work within you, you can begin the core work of healing your relationship with your spouse. After that, you should seek to make things right with your children and, if they are grown and out of your house, their spouses. This process may happen alongside restoring trust in your marriage. Finally, you can turn your attention to extended family, trusted friends, and anyone else you may have hurt.
3) Healing takes time. In some cases, forgiveness may be granted to you immediately—but rebuilding trust still takes consistent changed behavior over time. Healing your family will not happen in a day, a week, or even a month. It may take years for your children and extended family to fully heal and trust again. However, we want to offer you hope that your family can find healing if you are prepared to give them the time necessary to know you won’t repeat the same behavior.
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