Have you ever met someone who was not at all like you? Maybe their thinking, mannerisms, or outlook was so different from your own that you clashed or struggled to connect with them?
The old proverb, “birds of a feather flock together” is a classic because it’s true! Building relationships with people who share your interests, hobbies, opinions, and goals often feels easier than stepping outside your comfort zone.
However, here’s the truth: in any close relationship—whether with a friend, family member, or spouse—differences eventually show up.
It could be that one of you is a saver while the other is a spender, one of you is an early riser and the other a night owl, or even that one of you is an internal processor versus an external processor.
Today, we want to challenge you to think about these differences in your relationships, well, differently!
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- How to move from frustrated to fascinated
- Practical ways to avoid taking differences personally
- Helpful ways to reframe differences in your mind
- And more!
Learning how to work with our differences has helped us so much in our marriage and friendships. We hope this conversation can help you, too!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- [BOOK] Living With Less So Your Family Has More: Redefining Your Priorities To Put Your Family First
- Transform Weekend
- As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks
My Key Takeaways:
1) Utilize the “God Tool” of Acceptance. In our book, No More Perfect Marriages, we talk about utilizing God Tools in your relationship. These are things that help us to not only tear down the barriers we erect in our own hearts, but to strengthen and mature ourselves so we can become more like Christ every day. The God Tool of Acceptance involves fully receiving someone for who they are without trying to change, alter, or correct them. It looks like learning how to work with, and even appreciate, the ways they are different. As we accomplish this, we must also stop expecting the person to look, think, and behave exactly like us.
2) Shift your perspective. It was a game-changer for us when Mark was able to reframe his perspective on Jill’s tendency to process things internally—picturing it like a big Amazon warehouse that she could venture deep inside of at times. When Jill found herself lost in deep thought, it wasn’t that she was trying to ignore or dismiss him; she was just in a different part of the warehouse. How do you need to shift your perspective of someone else’s differences? Instead of viewing them as a nuisance, can you appreciate and even see them as an asset?
3) We are fearfully and wonderfully made. God created each and every one of us to have unique qualities and perspectives (Psalm 139:14). Those differences are what make us special, and they should be celebrated because they were bestowed on us by our Creator. For instance, you may prefer quick action while your spouse is a slow thinker. Instead of resenting this difference in disposition, recognize that God may be calling you to see the value in thinking things through before you take the next step.
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