The empty nest season of life is so bittersweet, isn’t it?
Nobody prepares you for what it feels like when you have to grapple with two huge obstacles at once:
#1) Finding your footing as a big part of your identity—your parenting responsibilities—shifts in a sudden and dramatic way.
#2) Letting go of the control you’ve had thus far over your children and making peace with the life they are starting to build for themselves.
Let’s talk about these two mountains that every empty nester has to climb.
First, I want to speak to the heart of the parent who is letting go:
I know it’s hard. I know it feels like a part of you is walking out of the house.
I remember the moment it truly hit me that I was officially an empty nester—after my youngest child got married. The tears began to roll, and I silently said to myself, I don’t like this. Not one little bit.
I know you’re thinking of all the things you didn’t teach them, all the times you weren’t patient, and all the moments you didn’t listen as well as you should have.
Let me tell you, sweet friend, that you did well. You weren’t perfect, but you did your best. Our kids need an imperfect role model because they are imperfect themselves. God used your imperfections to perfect you and your kids.
Now, I’d like you to give yourself a pat on the back—recognizing that your child spreading their wings and flying the nest means you did your job! All your hard work has led to this moment.
This transition will come with a rollercoaster of emotions. It may feel like a forced retirement with no celebration.
You’ve spent years pouring yourself out for others—always giving, giving, giving. Now, for the first time in a long while, the invitation is to turn inward. To rediscover yourself as a whole, vibrant, beautiful person—apart from your role as a parent. While that shift can feel intimidating, it also marks the start of a brand-new chapter—one filled with joy, growth, and the excitement of uncovering who you are today.
Now, let’s talk about what it feels like to let go of the reins after holding them for nearly twenty years:
As our children transition from childhood to adulthood and emerge into the “real world”, they are making choices every single day—and we can’t always be there to help them.
The moment they leave your nest to go to college or move into their first apartment, they are now in charge of everything from what food to stock in their fridge, to what night they will do laundry, and what course their lives will take.
Some of their choices will be good, and we need to celebrate and encourage our kids in those moments. Others may not be so wise, and that’s when we need to be wise enough to understand when it’s time to step in and when it’s time to step back.
This season of life is about learning how to remain a steady pillar of support—encouraging your child as they grow, giving them space to make mistakes, and reminding them you’re always in their corner, all while respecting healthy boundaries. Of course, all of that is easier said than done.
That’s why I wrote Empty Nest, Full Life: Discovering God’s Best for Your Next—to help parents navigate this uncharted territory with grace. My hope is that it helps your transition feel less like a crash landing and more like a gentle touchdown into this new season of life.
If you’ve been struggling with how to communicate with your child during this adjustment period, I’ve got you covered! Here are ten of my favorite text messages, which are sure to encourage your adult child, offer opportunities for connection, and let them know how much you love and care for them:
- Got time to connect so I can hear the latest?
- What do you love best about school/work/where you live?
- I know ______________ was hard for you, but you did it! I’m so proud of you!
- Way to go! You’re rocking “adulting!”
- I’m amazed at how talented you are. What incredible gifts God has given you!
- I love watching you parent. You’re an incredible mom/dad.
- If there were more people like you in this world, it would be a better place.
- I’m sure you’ll work it out, and I’m here if you need me.
- I love you, no matter what.
- Call me if you need me. I will do my very best to listen well.
Whether you are launching your very first child into the adult world or your youngest is finally flying the nest, knowing how to relate to your kids while they gain independence and strike out on their own can be challenging. We’ve been through that struggle and felt the push and pull of wanting to have influence in their lives while also wanting them to achieve independence.
If you found these 10 text messages helpful, click here to access our FREE full collection of 60 Ready-to-Send Encouraging Texts That Actually Make a Difference:
