Last year, my hubby presented a workshop at Hearts at Home called “Five Secrets Every Husband Wishes His Wife Knew.” It was an incredible workshop that was literally standing room only. (You can download the MP3 or order a CD HERE.)
In September, Mark and I are presenting a date night event called “5 Secrets to a Happy Spouse” for a church in Iowa. They want us to present Mark’s session for the ladies plus a session for the guys called “Five Secrets Every Wife Wishes Her Husband Knew.” (If you want to join us, you can find out more info HERE!)
This is where I need you to share your secrets!
I’m preparing for this workshop and I don’t want to miss out on anything important that I need to share with the guys.
So tell me, girls, what is it that you really wish your husband understood about you as a woman?
I received an error message when I tried to click the link to order/download the MP3. 🙁
Let me check on that, Hollie!
It’s fixed Hollie!
I wish my husband understood/appreciated what it means to me to have things looking nice and “put together”. Appearance matters to me in a number of areas – personal grooming, home upkeep, etc. My husband has told me in no uncertain terms that this aspect of my personality is a negative one and that it indicates I am “shallow”.
I routinely get a negative response for things I want to do that relate to home decor/house beautification. i.e. Me: “I would like to get some curtains.” Him: “Well what do we need to spend money on that for? We have blinds. You’re never satisfied with what we have. You always want more.” Or it takes a turn towards the idea that even paint and some cosmetic things like that are a waste of money b/c it is not our “final” house.
The point is that we often clash over the issue of functionality v. appearance/aesthetic appeal. As long as things are “working” for us, it shouldn’t matter what they look like and I end up having negative things leveled at me because I DO care.
If he can’t truly appreciate beauty himself in different contexts (decor, nature, etc.), I wish he would at least not degrade me and/or or tease/mock me for caring about them.
Sarah,
I’m sure that’s a difficult situation to deal with. I know it’s hard, but it’s important to try to not take his lack of understanding/lack of value personally. It’s more about him than it is about you. Make sense?
This really shouldn’t be a secret, but I think it bears repeating often. 😉 I really do just want you to just listen. I don’t want my problem fixed. I want you to take my side. Please try not to get me to look at the other side (at least not immediately).
I honestly don’t believe any husband could overdo compliments. I have never felt very pretty…it makes my week when my husband tells me I look nice (or cute, as he says). Praise for anything (food, cleaning, etc.) really lifts my spirits (I’m an SAHM so there is no where else I can really go to get praise for the “work” I do.) What I wouldn’t do for an “atta-girl” some days! LOL
HTH! I pray your talks will make a great impact on many marriages.
Cyndee,
This will definitely be one of the “secrets.” Most women just want their hubbies to listen and not fix the problem!
Concerning gifts from my husband: I’d rather have a gift from the heart (something sentimental, something created by him, time with him w/o the kids, something along those lines) than a gift just b/c it’s “time” for gift giving. And no, sex alone doesn’t count. LOL (However, a gift from the heart may very well cause me to want to give YOU the gift of sex. : ) Anyway, it’s not that I don’t appreciate expensive gifts, but it’s usually the ones of little monetary value that mean the most.
I agree, Tara.
Just reread my comment. And I should have written that one statement a little differently. Sorry about that… it should have been in quotes and directed at my HUSBAND. LOL *Blushing*
I want my husband to understand that when I am being emotional about something, there’s still truth to what I am saying. Yes, my emotions might be turned up “all the way to eleven”, but the root of whatever I am expressing remains based in truth and reality. I want him to listen for the truth in what I’m sharing instead of disregarding me simply because my emotions are engaged. (of course, it’s always helpful if I “turn down” my emotions to a more tolerable level, say a three or four on the “emotional volume scale”, but sometimes I simply feel very strongly)
Good insight, Melissa!
I wish my husband understood how a little goes a long way when it comes to helping me. The issue that I have is that I work outside the home along with my husband but I’m the one that’s expected to still do all the housework on top of that. It means alot to me if when I came home sometimes that the clothes that were on the couch were folded, or the dishes washed, or even just something as simple as vacuuming. Instead I find my husband sitting in the midst of the unfolded clothes watching TV (that so irritates me 🙂 … So I guess to break it down I would simply say go the extra mile for your spouse to make her feel that what she does is appreciated.
This one may already be in your outline, but sometimes I want a hug to just be a hug, not with a plan for sexual intimacy to follow.
Also, I think I want to reinforce that being a good Dad is a great turn on for me. I know it takes time and energy after a long day at the office, but I love watching our kids enjoy time with their Dad.
I came up with a great analogy for him to consider: Date night to me fills up my love tank as sex fills up his love tank. That’s how important date night is to me 😀 I am thankful for his time and attention for a little while without all the distractions and stresses.
We truly are the weaker sex. I am really so thankful my husband never minimizes my “time of the month” achiness and tiredness. He also has always been understanding when I am pregnant/have a newborn that I get tired for easily. I know a lot of men that blow these things off, and act like wives are whining. I’m sure it doesn’t help that some women use these as excuses to do nothing. But sometimes you have cramps and you need a day to sit on the couch w/ a heating pad.
I wish my husband understood how tiring it is looking after young children and managing a home and taking of myself and meeting his needs and keeping up with friendships etc. 🙂 Also that the little things matter the most- offering to do the dishes, giving me a hug, making me a cup of tea etc
I wish my husband knew that helping me do chores around the house and helping with our daughter means more to me than anything else. Yes its nice to get gifts, but I would much rather him do these “little” things for me. I wish he understood how hard it is to be a working mom and by pitching in with those things, we would have so much more together time.