Marriage is hard work!
As we like to say, we’ve been married for 42 years—32 of them happily. Throughout that time, we’ve been through quite a few highs and lows, each and every one of which taught us something.
One of the reasons we started coaching other couples is because we were receiving so many emails responding to our personal story of healing after infidelity.
We realized that our imperfect marriage wasn’t a weakness—it was what drew people in and empowered us to offer them guidance that was real, practical, and nonjudgmental.
For couples navigating challenges or striving to grow closer, our story became proof that you can walk through hard seasons and come out stronger on the other side—together.
Perhaps you can relate?
Even if you haven’t had to walk through infidelity in your marriage, you have a heart for seeing marriages thrive. Or maybe you are regularly approached by other couples asking for advice on how to navigate marital challenges.
We want you to know that whether your marriage has weathered storms or simply grown through the lessons of everyday life, the wisdom you’ve gained is worth sharing.
Throughout our relationship, we’ve had so many couples speak life into us. We would not be here today were it not for their valuable insights. That’s why, today, it brings us great joy and fulfillment to offer Christ-centered marriage coaching and mentorship to couples seeking support.
Do you feel a calling to do the same? If you feel drawn to offer guidance to other couples but you’re not always sure of the right thing to say or you want to offer more intentional assistance, here are just a few strategies you can use to help another couple in their marriage:
1) Be a Good Listener
The first step to giving good advice—no matter the subject at hand—is to listen well.
Sometimes, what people need more than anything is to vent out their frustrations so that they can see the situation more clearly. There is great healing in simply getting emotions off your chest and sharing them with another kind soul. That’s why an attentive and patient listening ear is one of the greatest gifts you can give someone.
You can help couples by listening well, validating how frustrating their situation can be, and genuinely seeking to understand their perspective before offering your own. Then, if the couple or individual asks for your input, you can give thoughtful guidance from a place of deeper understanding.
When you take the time to learn how to be a good listener, you will be better equipped to help others sort through their feelings and get to the root of their issue:
2) Remove Barriers to Seeking Help
Many couples struggle to access help because they don’t have time or feel overwhelmed with all the resources that exist. There is so much to do and so many distractions in our daily lives that taking the time to seek out help can feel intimidating—like standing at the base of a very tall mountain, unsure where to start.
One of the best ways to help a struggling couple find and utilize marriage resources is to take the first step for them. You can do this by sifting through the available information, narrowing down the options to a few that fit their situation, and then sharing those recommendations directly.
Why is removing barriers for couples so powerful? Think of it like setting out your gym clothes the night before a workout—it takes away mental roadblocks, lowers resistance, and makes it that much easier to take the next positive step.
To start this conversation with a couple in your life, you might say something like: “Hey, I did a little research for you..” and share a few key resources that relate to the season they’re walking through—or even a summary of what you think may help them.
3) Suggest Trusted Resources
You’re ready to break down those barriers for couples—but how do you find the right resources? Start by recommending trusted tools from professionals who have real-world experience guiding couples through challenges.
One of our all time favorite resources to suggest is How We Love by Milan & Kay Yerkovich. This book was instrumental as we discovered our attachment styles and started to make sense of how they were causing a disconnect in our marriage.
There are tons of resources out there on marriage that can be helpful to utilize in your own relationship or to suggest to another couple. Here are just a few we recommend checking out:
4) Share a Marriage Podcast
Not everyone is a reader! For some couples or individuals, it may be better to suggest a podcast that can be listened to during the commute to and from work or while taking care of household tasks. We have our own show, The No More Perfect Podcast, but there are countless experts, therapists, and marriage counselors who regularly share insightful conversations.
Here are a few options we recommend:
- The Allender Center Podcast
- I Wish You Could Hear This Podcast
- Java with Juli Podcast
- Building Relationships Podcast
This list is just to get you started. We’re sure you have some podcasts you’ve listened to that have been helpful in your relationship that you could recommend as well!
5) Direct Them to God’s Word
Did you know that God cares about what we are going through? He doesn’t just care about it, but he understands our feelings and experiences. It says in Scripture that “the word of God is living and active” (Hebrews 4:12 ESV). This means that it can help encourage, direct, and sanctify us through whatever we may be facing.
When Mark left, I (Jill) felt like my entire world fell apart. It took me a while to put the pieces back together. At the core of this healing was spending time with God both in prayer and reading Scripture. In addition to healing from the hurt of our separation, I had a lot of personal work and growth I needed to do. With time, I became a healthier person and my faith was strengthened.
If there’s a struggling individual or couple in your life, you can share an encouraging verse with them, suggest a Bible Study that covers a topic that would be helpful for them, or even offer to pray for them regularly.
We hope these tips have been helpful in getting you started as you seek to help another couple in their marriage.
If you want to get serious about protecting and strengthening marriages, we’ve created a free guide to help you serve couples with confidence, clarity, and Christ at the center. In this free resource, you’ll get instant access to learn how to…
- Heal and strengthen marriages (even if your own has struggled in the past)
- Mentor with skill and confidence (even without years of experience)
- Start building a community (even if you’re starting from scratch)
Whether you’re hoping to build up a marriage coaching practice of your own, serve as an invaluable pillar of support for the couples in your church community, or simply improve your ability to offer advice to friends and family members who need it, this resource is for you.
Get started by downloading your free copy of Your Path to Becoming a Christian Marriage Coach now, and take your first step toward the calling God has placed on your heart.
