Have you ever had a conversation where it seemed like you and the other person kept misunderstanding one another? At some point, it may have even felt like you were speaking two different languages. This is a challenge that pops up in many marriages—after all, there’s a reason why people say men and women could be from different planets!
Teaching others how to have safe conversations is a passion of ours, as this skill has played a big role in taking our marriage to the next level. You may have heard us teach about this topic if you’ve done coaching with us or attended one of our No More Perfect Marriages Seminars. Today, we’re honored to speak with two professionals whose work has significantly shaped the way couples everywhere approach healthy dialogue.
Harville Hendrix, Ph.D, and Helen Hunt, Ph.D., are the creators of Safe Conversations®, a training institute focused on relational intervention. They are the co-authors of three New York Times bestsellers, including Getting the Love You Want, which has sold over four million copies. Married for over 40 years, they have six children and seven grandchildren, and they split their time between Dallas and New York City.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- Why it’s important to listen more than we speak
- The elements of a safe conversation
- Two things you can try during your next “negative” conversation
- And more!
We are thrilled to have gotten the opportunity to sit down with the two people who laid the groundwork for our understanding of safe conversations!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- Connect with Harville and Helen on their website, Instagram, or Facebook
- [BOOK] How to Talk with Anyone about Anything: The Practice of Safe Conversations
- Safe Conversations® (now Quantum Connections™)
- How to Have a Safe Conversation | #MarriageMonday
- [BOOK] Love, Power, and Justice: Ontological Analyses and Ethical Applications by Paul Tillich
- As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks.
My Key Takeaways:
1) Listening is an act of love. When we take the time to listen to another person, what we are actually doing is gaining access to their world. It helps us understand their values, what they feel, think, and want. Through listening, we can understand who they really are, and this is the greatest act of love!
2) Validating says, “I understand you.” This is an important step in having a safe conversation. Now, offering validation doesn’t necessarily mean we agree with what the other person is saying. When we validate the other person, what we are really saying is that we understand how they arrived at their conclusion or why they are thinking a certain way.
3) Prioritizing safe conversations will feel awkward at first. When you and your partner first engage in this type of dialogue, it can feel awkward and tedious at first. This is a new way of talking with one another, so it may take some time for it to feel natural. The key is to practice, practice, practice. You can find out more about how to have a safe conversation by checking out this guide we made (complete with a video example!).
About Harville and Helen:
Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., and Helen Hunt, Ph.D., are internationally respected couples therapists, educators, speakers, and bestselling authors. They’ve written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the classic Getting the Love You Want. After experiencing their own marriage crisis, they co-created Imago Relationship Therapy to help transform couples and families. Married for over 40 years, they split their time between Dallas and New York City.
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