If you’re listening on the day this releases, then tomorrow (6/25/2025) is our 42nd wedding anniversary! We can’t believe that it’s already been more than four decades since we walked down the aisle to say our “I do’s”.
Would you believe that our first big argument occurred on our honeymoon? We had a lot of good times in those early years, but they were also the beginning of some recurring conflicts and struggles for us.
As we reflect back on 42 years of marriage, one of the things that has made a big difference in the health of our relationship is learning how to make requests instead of hoping, wishing, or hinting at what we wanted or needed. In today’s conversation, we are discussing why this was a game-changer and how you can incorporate this practice into your own marriage.
In this episode, you’ll learn about:
- The importance of discovering your needs
- How hinting and hoping can damage your marriage
- How unexpressed expectations build resentment
- And more!
We hope this skill is as beneficial for your relationship as it has been in our marriage!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- BLOG: 42 Lessons We Learned From 42 Years of Marriage
- As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks
My Key Takeaways:
1) Stop assuming your spouse should just know. We see this played out all the time in movies and media. The music swells as you open the gift and gasp. How did you know?? While this makes for a compelling story, real life is quite different. You and your spouse see the world differently, you think differently, and you have different preferences. It is very rare that either one of you will just know what the other wants. Instead of treating mind-reading as the ultimate expression of love, see the real beauty in a spouse who listens, remembers, and follows through—because love isn’t magic, it’s intentional.
2) To make requests, you have to know what you want. If you struggle with people pleasing, you may not even know what it is you want or need from your spouse. When you desire something from your relationship but don’t know how to communicate it, it can become frustrating for both you and your spouse. That’s why it’s important for everyone to take the time to uncover their needs and wants. This may require you to do some introspection alone or enlist the help of a coach, counselor, or therapist.
3) Resentment is like throwing gasoline on a conflict. When we fail to make requests, we become primed for resentment and disappointment to creep in. These poisons can take root deep in our hearts and then build until they boil over. This causes our conflict to be filled with disappointment, discouragement, and frustration that only leads to more hurt. To combat this, we need to be open, transparent, and vulnerable with our communication.
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