When a Loved One Hurts | Episode 245

When a loved one hurts, it can be hard to know how to respond and support them through the crisis or pain they feel.

Our first response is often to jump straight into “fix it” mode or lighten the mood by offering platitudes. However, the key to true comfort lies in a few key areas that Mark and I are going to talk about in this conversation. In our story, we’ve had quite the journey of learning how to best support one another—whether we are experiencing physical pain, emotional hurt, or just a difficult season of life.

In this episode, you’ll learn about:

Some examples of crises and pain a loved one may be experiencing
The importance of sitting in the pain with someone else
A few ways to practically support someone going through a crisis
And more!

Through my cancer journey and our marriage crisis, we received so much help and comfort from our friends, our family, and each other. We hope you will feel more equipped to offer support to a loved one after listening to this candid conversation.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

My Key Takeaways:

1) Be willing to sit with them in silence. This can be a difficult thing to learn. Our natural reaction is to offer platitudes like “There’s always next year”, “There are more fish in the sea”, “Everything happens for a reason”, or “What doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger”. These do little to tend to the emotions and circumstances our loved one is going through. One of the most encouraging gifts a friend provided to me when Mark and I were going through a marriage crisis was simply coming to stay with me—and being willing to sit with me in silence, no matter how uncomfortable it felt.

2) Don’t ask, just do. In times of crisis, it can be hard to verbalize or even know what you need. When you’re trying to support someone who is hurting, you don’t have to overthink too much—just find a need you know they have and take action to meet it. This could be swinging by to mow their lawn, cleaning their bathroom, or picking kids up from school.

3) Look for practical ways to support them. When Mark and I were going through a hard season, I had a friend who would call me every time she was at the grocery store and then deliver my groceries to my front door. This was helpful in more ways than one. This met a physical need by making sure the fridge was always stocked with food. It was also practical because it kept me from having to answer questions or have awkward interactions with people I might run into at the grocery store.

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