A mom I know is pregnant with baby number 3. She has no energy, fights constant nausea, but still wants to be a fun mom for her girls. When her girls begged to go to the park she couldn’t say no…again. So she took them, but she stayed in the car. She had to be still and quiet to keep from being sick.
As she watched her girls play, she started to get a bad taste in her mouth…but it had nothing to do with her pregnancy. The taste was the memory of a judgmental thought she’d had four year ago when seeing another mom do exactly what she was doing.
She remembered thinking, “Come on…really? What kind of mom can’t get out of the car to play with her kids?”
Now she had understanding that she didn’t have back then, and she was convicted of her judgmental heart.
The Bible tells us that we are not to judge others (Matthew 7:1-5) and that we are to “remove the log out of our own eye before we try to remove the splinter out of someone else’s eye.”
Let’s be moms of grace instead of moms of judgment.
…Grace to make different decisions in our parenting.
…Grace to give a smile or a hug instead of judgment when a mom’s teen has made a poor choice.
…Grace to use money, time, or talents differently than we do.
When we can learn to give grace to one another the mommy wars will end, the love and acceptance will increase, and the comparison games we play will disappear.
It can start with you and I.
Will you join me?
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Good stuff, Jill. We are all guilty of judging when we have no idea what people are going through. How does that saying go..something like “don’t judge until you have walked a mile in their shoes”.
So true Jill…and what a relief it is! Your posts are so encouraging!
Thank you, Tammy.
Thank you Jill. Great post! This can also expand out into all judments of all people. I feel so much closer to God since adopting this type of approach. Thanks again for spreading this important message! <3!!!
This used to me – as a young teacher I couldn’t understand why parents wouldn’t show up to their child’s IEP meetings (which are always held during the working day) or Parent/Teacher conferences (which were usually held at night and the parents lived at least one hour one-way from the school). What kind of parents wouldn’t show up to these “valuable” meetings?!?! I was going to be the mom who went to everything! Now as a mom (and still a teacher) I completely understand why they didn’t come – PTO meetings are held when the children need to be put to bed, IEP meetings are held when parents often can’t get off of work (I had to miss my own daughter’s IEP meeting this year because I couldn’t reschedule my visit to observe my students teach), and paying a babysitter to attend a 10 minute conference (remember the parents of the students I worked with would have to make a two hour round trip) doesn’t make financial sense. What I wish I knew then, that I know now.
Even though I can’t change the past, I can impact the future. I spend class time discussing with the teacher candidates with whom I work, how I was judgmental, what struggles I face trying to balance being a mom and working outside of the home, and what are some solutions to make a no-win situation a win-win situation (even though I missed my daughter’s IEP meeting, I had a phone conversation withe her SLP the day prior to the meeting to discuss the proposed goals and objectives, etc).
Thank you for this reminder – it’s one we all can use now and then.
Good insight, Laurie. Thank you for sharing.
Oh, goodness–tonight we were at the swimming pool with the kids from church and I had to run one direction to chase the three-year old and when I turned back around the five year old was standing there completely naked. I’m so glad everyone gives me grace!
But I know I am bad about this. Not that I’d ever say anything to anyone, but I often find myself thinking “well, I’d never . . . .” Ha. I’m not sure why I do this so often. Part of it is driven by a personality that really likes being right, but I think sometimes it also comes from a little bit of insecurity. I may not have it all together, but at least I’m better than ‘that’ mom, you know? But my critical spirit is an area I’m working on.
Good insight, Leigh. I think you’ve pinpointed why many of us slip into judgement. Thank you for sharing!
A friend and I were just discussing this on Thursday, that we need to remember to extend grace to one another because we’ve never walked in another person’s shoes…whether it be another mom, or anyone else. Thanks for this post, Jill!
Wow. I am SO guilty of this! Thank you for sharing this story. I really needed to hear it today. I’m so quick to “give advice” for situations that I haven’t ever been in, and on the inside I’m telling myself what I would do if I was them, and by so doing, judging their parenting. I will be more quick to give grace, and hopefully slower to give judgement.
We’re all guilty of it, Gail. But if each of us is careful…it will make a difference!