On Saturday I had the privilege of watching a friend’s 3-month-old for about 7 hours. It took me back to the good ‘ole days of burp rags, diaper changes, and very little time for myself.
I agreed to babysit with two days notice…enough time for me to do one thing: lower my expectations.
When there’s a little one in your life—whether permanently or temporarily—one has to lower the expectations or one will find herself very frustrated.
Nearly every time I speak somewhere a weary mom will come up and ask me how in the world I’ve written seven books with five kids. And my answer is I DIDN’T WRITE MY FIRST BOOK UNTIL MY YOUNGEST WAS IN SCHOOL. There’s no way I could have ever written a book with a preschooler on my knee.That would have been an impossible expectation and would have resulted in a high level of frustration for me and my family.
So this past Saturday I planned to accomplish only one thing: take care of this little one. I managed to empty the dishwasher on one of her 15 minute naps and I folded a load of laundry on her second 15 minute nap—but then I felt like superwoman because I EXCEEDED my expectations!
If you’re in the season of little ones, do yourself a favor and lower your expectations. Determine that the one thing you will accomplish is to care for your little one.
I’m sure you’ll get one or two things done beyond that…and then you’ll exceed your expectations and really feel like it’s been a successful day!
What about you? Have you found it helpful to lower your expectations? How have you practically done that?
This post is really reassuring. I have a 5yr old son (we're homeschooling kindergarten), a 3yr old son (he's in developmental preschool for therapy), and a 4mos old baby girl. I am a mediocre housekeeper but am ok with that (most of the time). I feel that there are more important things than a spotless house and those things are my husband and kids. At the end of the day I would rather know that I've taken good care of them than have a sparkling kitchen floor. Thanks for reminding me that its ok to not check everything off my list every day. 😉
You make a good point and one I didn't really give myself permission to do until recently. We had a newborn foster baby arrive in our home with 3 hours notice, so not only was I in a fog, I also thought life could/would go on as normal. Well, it didn't take long to realize that was not the case. I had to lower my expectations and realize that my job was caring for this baby and the toilets would have to wait and it wasn't an emergency if I didn't vacuum everyday! Our job is to care for our home, but that doesn't really matter if our family is neglected. Thanks for this reminder!
I have laughed that its time for me to write a book…Four teens and a toddler. We adopted Eliana from China just over a year ago, and it wasnt supposed to be a 5 year wait….thus I have two in high school, two in junior high and one in diapers! I have had to lower my expectations for what I can expect out of myself, because its not the same losing sleep after 40 as it is when you are in your twenties. I have had to tell myself that I will take a nap this afternoon with the baby because I have to be up to wait for that teenager who gets home from a late football game or evening curfew. I have also had to limit my expectations about being supermom and step back from volunteering from a lot of things I could do in the past when I wasnt chasing an active two year old. Most of all I have had to lower my expectations on what was appropriate mommy guilt, and not compare myself with other moms. No one has the kids I have, at the ages I have with the personalities, strengths and talents they have…so none of us will have the same experience as a mom. Comparing myself makes me feel inadequate and doesnt take joy in another moms accomplishments in an area of mothering of her own. God never gives us what we cant handle and he never leaves us to do it alone!
Wow, this is good to hear! I have been frustrated trying to squeeze in writing with having a foster baby at home and finally have given up on big projects. This is what God has for me to do now- love this baby girl until she can live with her birth family again. Until then, blogging will do. Thanks, Jill!
My kids are 12 and almost 15 now . . . you should see how clean my house is – lol!!!! I remember when they were toddlers I was very frustrated with things in general. A dear friend, who is also a mom of 8, told me to lower my expectations. She said it tongue in cheek and we both had a good laugh, but she was right!!
For a season (read: years), we ate off of paper plates and used plastic utensils. The playroom looked like a tornado had hit it repeatedly. Cereal became our breakfast of choice. This, and many similar things, saved my sanity during those years when my kids were small and my husband worked an insane amount of hours at work due to low staffing.
I am REALLY having a hard time with this concept even though this is not the first time I've heard it. We have 6 week old triplets along with a 3 year old and I'm having difficulty feeling like I've accomplished something even if they are all fed, changed and happy. Thanks for all the great posts though and I'll keep working on this;o-)
Tawnda