Several weeks ago someone introduced us to a new book by Linda Dillow called What’s it Like to be Married to Me? That’s a powerful, scary, and possibly life-changing question that we’re going to use as the theme for today’s Marriage Monday.
Mark: I’ve found that we can travel through marriage nurturing bitterness or betterness. Yes, I know “betterness” isn’t really a word…but hang with me on this. Over time, we can either feed our frustrations which results in bitterness or pursue maturity which results in “betterness” or becoming a better mate.
Jill: Becoming better requires us to more often look at ourselves than pointing the finger at our spouse. That’s usually not our default way of handling frustration. Most of us are quick to blame and pray under our breath, “God, change him…quick!” or “God, change her….now!”
Mark: But maturity responds to frustration with, “God, please change me.” It’s a much harder prayer to pray…but a much more effective one. Why? Because the only person you I can change in my marriage is me.
Jill: When I first asked myself this question many years ago, I had to come face to face with my critical spirit. I had to look at the reality of how unpleasant being married to me was sometimes.
Mark: When I first asked myself this question, I had to face my unrealistic expectations. Growing up with easy access to pornography created unrealistic expectations in the bedroom. And the bedroom wasn’t the only place where my expectations were off the charts…I was crushing Jill with my idealistic mindset in all areas of our marriage.
Jill: What about you? Honestly answer this question: What’s it like to be married to me?
Mark: What if your Valentine’s gift to your spouse was an honest apology for the challenges he/she faces being married to you? What if you committed to move away from bitterness and to fully pursue “betterness,” as you work to change the things that make living with you most difficult?
Jill: We’ve found a little bit of introspection it’s one of the most precious gifts you can give a marriage.
