The chaos that betrayal can cause in a marriage is unlike anything else we experience as humans. When trust is shattered, everything feels unstable. Questions swirl. Emotions run high. And the path forward can feel confusing and painfully slow.
Mark and I know what that broken place feels like. And so does the couple joining us today.
Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith—known as The Raabsmith Team—are co-authors of Building True Intimacy. Together, they have developed practical tools to help couples rebuild trust and create lasting connection. Matthew is a Professional Certified Coach and Restoration Coach with more than 15 years of experience in addiction recovery, betrayal trauma, and leadership development. Joanna is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in trauma, betrayal trauma, and relationship healing.
In this honest and hope-filled conversation, we talk about how God brought each of us to the other side of betrayal. We share some of the insights we wish we had known when we were in the middle of our own messy healing journeys. There were setbacks. There was deep pain. But there were also small moments where hope began to rise again.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- Why healing begins with the individuals, not just the couple
- How family upbringing shapes the way we show up in marriage
- Why a betrayed spouse may still feel unsafe, even after behavior changes
- And more!
If you’re trying to find your footing after betrayal, you may want to lean in and take notes. Our prayer is that this conversation brings understanding and a renewed sense of hope!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- Prefer to watch this episode? You can now view and subscribe to our YouTube.
- Connect with Matthew and Joanna on their website.
- [BOOK] Building True Intimacy: Creating a Connection That Stands the Test
- Check out the Intimacy Pyramid Starter Bundle
- As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks.
My Key Takeaways:
1) Individual healing has to come first. Recovery is not simply about fixing the relationship. It begins with two individuals doing their own work and then bringing that healing back into the marriage. For the betraying spouse, that often means facing painful experiences instead of avoiding or numbing them. For the betrayed spouse, it includes understanding betrayal trauma and how it impacts the nervous system. Simply stopping a behavior does not automatically restore safety. Trust is rebuilt slowly, with intention.
2) Family of origin matters more than we realize. The messages we absorbed growing up often shape how we respond to conflict, honesty, and intimacy. Sometimes those lessons were never formally taught, but they were clearly modeled. Becoming aware of those patterns is a crucial part of healing and rebuilding trust.
3) Intimacy must be rebuilt in the right order. Matthew and Joanna shared their Intimacy Pyramid framework, which begins with honesty as the foundation. Without safety and trust, vulnerability will not hold. True intimacy sits at the top of the pyramid and can only grow when the lower pillars are secure. When couples move slowly and intentionally through this process, connection can be restored in a way that is stronger and more authentic than before.
About Matthew and Joanna:
Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith are the founders of The Raabsmith Team and have spent more than 15 years helping individuals and couples heal from betrayal, addiction, and trauma. Matthew is a Professional Certified Coach and Restoration Coach, and Joanna is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in betrayal trauma and relationship healing. Together, they co-authored Building True Intimacy and developed The Intimacy Pyramid™, a practical framework designed to help couples rebuild trust, restore safety, and create lasting connection.
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