Can you believe that the holidays are just around the corner? We recently got our first snow in Illinois, and it’s got us in the holiday spirit!
Along with the merriment and celebrations of this season come various expectations, obligations, and family gatherings to attend. A few years ago, we started a tradition in our family of giving our children the gift of freedom when it comes to holiday events.
While this may be unheard of in some families, this decision has brought our family much relief from the pressures that often come with the holidays. It gives our adult children space to forge their own traditions with their families, and it gives us freedom, too.
This year, we’re traveling to Australia to spend Christmas with our son—something we couldn’t do if we’d insisted that all our kids and their families spend the holidays with us locally. If you’re curious about what it could look like to give the gift of freedom to your own family this holiday season, listen in to hear our best advice.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- How to let go of rigid schedules
- The greatest gift you can give to your adult children
- Why setting realistic expectations is so important
- And more!
We hope this conversation inspires you to prepare well for the holiday season!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- Moms of Bigs Substack
- Moms of Bigs on Instagram
- [BOOK] Empty Nest, Full Life: Discovering God’s Best for Your Next
- No More Perfect Holidays: Managing Your Expectations & Attitude This Season
- As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks
My Key Takeaways:
1) Give your children the gift of agency. We’ve referred to this as the “gift of freedom” before, or an invitation without expectation, but Esther Joy Goetz (whose work we discuss at length in this episode) likes to call this the gift of agency. It simply means that you release control and allow your children to make their own decisions around the holidays. While there may still be some heartache when a family member is missed during a particular gathering, this allows them to choose what works best for their family in the season of life that they are in.
2) Be open to new traditions. One of the beautiful things that has come out of this mindset for us is something we call the “tour of the grandchildren.” Rather than parents having to pack up their sometimes grouchy children to gather at Grandma and Grandpa’s, we’ll travel around to all the grandchildren and get to spend time with them and see their gifts on Christmas morning. In addition, being open to new traditions means evaluating what aspects of the holidays mean the most to you and then asking family members if they would like to participate in that with you. Whenever considering a new tradition, we should always start by asking like this: “We were thinking….” and it should end with “Would that work for you?”
3) Prioritize your preferences! If you are an empty nester, you’ve likely spent countless years making the holidays magical for your children. You’ve been the one to make sure the tree gets up on time and that your kiddos feel the excitement of the holidays. Now that your kids are grown, this is the time when you can start to put what you want first. Maybe you would rather rest over Thanksgiving instead of spending all day preparing a meal. Or instead of hosting Christmas, you’d rather go over to visit at your adult child’s house, or even spend the day doing nothing at all. There are no rules here, and this gift of freedom around what you do during the holidays applies to you, too! Take some time this week to sit down and consider what traditions you’d like to observe and which ones you’d like to let go of this year.
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