Has your spouse made a request that didn’t seem that important to you? It could be anything from making certain your laundry was put away to how you spend a bonus from work. It could even be to remember to turn the kitchen light off before you leave the room.
In most instances, our spouse isn’t asking us to do or not do something for no reason. There is a hidden meaning behind these requests. But how often do we take the time to consider the motivation behind what our spouse is asking?
The inspiration for this conversation came from a real-life scenario that we lived out. Once we took the time to understand the reason behind the request, it made all the difference in the world in how we responded to one another.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- Why the “why” matters
- The value of listening and sharing the heart behind requests
- How our experiences influence the things we ask of our spouse
- And more!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
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Our Key Takeaways:
1) We make assumptions when we don’t know the other person’s intentions. These requests can come across as insignificant or silly when we don’t know the reason behind them. We can assume that our spouse is being particular, nagging, or unreasonable. We’ve found that most of the time your partner doesn’t ask for something without a good reason driving that request. It likely isn’t something you can discover without asking them more about the heart behind their request. Rather than assume we know why or dismiss their reason as unimportant, we should take the time to inquire about the “why” behind their ask.
2) Offer your “why” to your spouse. It’s nice when someone is curious about us, but many people aren’t aware enough to know they need to respond with curiosity. If you are the one making a request and your spouse isn’t taking it seriously, you should seek to share your “why” unprompted. When we hold onto our “why” and continue to be misunderstood, it can breed discontentment and resentment in our relationships.
3) The act of understanding and responding to your spouse’s “why” is an expression of love. We like to say that intimacy is the act of “into me see.” That means you take the time to see into the deepest parts of your spouse. Not only do you seek them out, but you offer understanding and acceptance of who your spouse is. For me (Jill), the act of turning off the kitchen light signaled that my job in the kitchen was done for the evening. Every time it was left on, my body was on high alert and began searching for what still needed to be completed. When Mark started remembering to turn off the kitchen light, it was a sign to me that he valued helping me get rest.
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