The past few years I’ve done a makeover in my girlfriend relationships. I went through a dark time where I didn’t pursue friendships because of wounds from the past. “I’ve been hurt too many times,” I reasoned.
Being a pastor’s wife doesn’t help the situation either. People come to the church, you love on them, care for them, and then they get ticked off, or just decide to go somewhere else maybe even for good reasons, but they just disappear without even so much as a word. And each time that happens, if I’m not careful, I close off my heart to relationships just a little bit more because I don’t want to get hurt again.
But the truth is, I need friendships. I need others in my life that I can love on and who can love on me. You need friendships, too. You need relationships where you love other and are loved, serve others and are served, know others and are known, and celebrate others and are celebrated.
Jesus modeled this for us. He could have lived alone, but He didn’t. He chose to live life with the disciples…they were his group of friends.
For the next couple of weeks, I’m going to be sharing about some of my friendships and the unique role they play in my life. Because no friendship is the same, we all need unique relationships that affect our lives in different ways. I’ll also be sharing about some important lessons I’ve learned about friendship.
This discussion will be our February giveaway. If you participate in the friendship discussion, your name will be thrown into a basket for a giveaway I’ll be doing Saturday, Feb 20. The prize will be a Hearts at Home book of your choice.
Here’s what I’d love to hear about during this discussion:
1) A special friendship and how you make that friendship work.
2) Struggles you have had with friendships and how you are working to move beyond the experiences.
3) Moms group friendships and the difference a moms group has made in your life.
4) Honest struggles with girlfriend relationships (no names—just the general challenges you’ve experienced).
5) Friendship lessons you’ve learned along the way.
I look forward to our discussion. Everytime we do this, we learn so much from each other! And please invite your friends in on the discussion. The more we have participate, the more we can learn and encourage one another!
jill-i have been apart of a mom group in our small town for 3 years- an amazing group of women! we have been a sounding board, prayer chain, pot luck cookers, listening ear, and all around support for each other.
Jill-
As I read your post, I realized that I’m not alone in being so careful in my relationships. Because I have been hurt so many times in the past, I make sure to meet lots of people but I don’t let them get any farther than the surface of my heart. I have been praying for a friend – someone I can learn how to trust. I have just begun a friendship with a woman from our church who may just be the answer to my prayer. As our relationship grows, I will continue to pray that God will give me the strength to know that I will be hurt, but to love anyway.
Thanks for this post – it really got me thinking!! 🙂
Christie
Friendship can be truly amazing and at the same time just tear you apart. I have a friend that means so much to me. She makes me want to be a better mom, wife and woman. Recently due to our busy schedules we drfited away from each other and it was so bothersome to both of us. We go to Hearts-at-Home together and this year was a big thing for us. We used that trip to heal some cracks in our friendship and we decided that we would never let that happen again. Now every month we have a night just for us. We go to dinner and then whatever else we feel like doing. This way no matter what (busy schedules, other people petty fights, life) we will have time to connect and share our lives with each other. I really love that we have done this.
Paige
As a SAHM to five young childern (all 6 and under)and a homeschool family with ony one vehicle… I have to be honest and say that I don’t have many friends. Period. I have a few that I speak with everyother week or so but none that I can say I have realy let into my life. I have friends come and go (burning me on the way out) that I have stopped really let others in. The only really true friend that I can count on this earth is my husband. He too doesn’t really have many friends that he relys on or hangs out with- It is just the two of us… I know I need to have other mom and women friends… I just haven’t found one that I can truly be myself with, or share my heart with…
The moms group that has made a significant impact in my life is Moms In Touch International (MITI). I started praying in an MITI group because I was desperate to pray for my children. What I quickly found, though, was that when you pour out your heart in prayer with other moms you form a tight bond with those moms. The many friends I have gained through 14 years in MITI have been true, enduring, faith-strengthening friendships.
At this point in my life I feel like a lot of my friends are online. I feel more connected and like I can share more with them than with some of my real life friends.
I have two friends that are very special to me.
One is my college roommate. We were neighbors one year and roommates for two. She just recently moved from Texas, and I wonder when I’ll ever see her again. Yet at the same time I know we’ll keep our friendship strong as we always have through email, Facebook, and letters. She has always been an encourager to me. We mail each other cards and packages, like for holidays or seasons like notepads, stickers, pens, books, etc.
Another is a girl whose been my friend for so long, elementary school I guess. We ate lunch together in high school and then in college we’d go out once a week either to McDOnalds or Subway for lunch. When I walk in a Subway now I still remember those times together. We don’t see each other often either now living in different cities, but it never matters how omuch time has passed between visits, we always pick up as if we were never apart.
I have several aquaintences, but would love to have a true friend. This past year, my husband and I made the grueling decision to move to a new church home. There were some issues within the old church. Unfortunately, friends I thought would be around for the long haul disagreed with our decision and don’t want to talk anymore. We are not the only people within our new church who this happened to. It hurts!
Stephenie,
I’m so sorry for the hurt from your former church. I do understand what that feels like and I hope you’ll be able to forgive. I’ve found that’s the only way to move on.
Jill, I am a military wife. I have to make new friends all the time. However, once you become a friend, you are a friend for life. There are times when I, too, find that I don’t want to make new friends because I know that I will be just be leaving them eventually. I want to share a story with you about a very special group of friends. They are affectionately called “The Commune.” There are 9 couples that met at Ft. Bragg, North Carolina about 8-10 years ago. We started a small group Bible study called Newlyweds/Nearlyweds. That group eventually morphed into NewlyParents/NearlyParents as our family dynamics changed 🙂 We started to deepen our friendships around the time that the wars started. We watched after each other when our families were far away, we raised each others children (most of us are now called Aunt so-and-so or Uncle so-and-so to the kiddos), we took care of maintenance issues at each others homes, we prayed over husbands as they went off to war……we became a true family. We call ourselves The Commune because we always did things as a group no matter who was deployed or not. There was a time when many of our men were deployed. We would go out to dinner and have 7 girls, 1 man, and many children 🙂 We even made our own cookbook when we started moving away from each other so that we would always have our special recipes right at hand! We have a yahoo group set up right now and our husbands are always amazed at how many emails a day pass between all of us. We share our deepest feelings there and we even let each other in on a good Victoria’s Secret sale 🙂 We try to have a yearly get together for the girls with no husbands and kiddos. It’s a nice break for all of us. I could go on and on about all of these friends, but the nicest thing I can say about all of them is that I know they are always lifting me up in prayer. That is something that I will treasure for the rest of my life. Distance may seperate us, but our bond in the Lord grows stronger every day. What a blessing they all are to me. It is my prayer that eveyone has at least one friend that lifts them up daily and prays for them. It really does make a difference!! Thanks for giving me the forum to share about my friends!! Sorry this was so long……..I couldn’t figure out what to leave out!!! BTW, Our group that started out as Newlyweds now has 21 children with #21 arriving tomorrow morning!
Melanie,
Your post is so encouraging! I love hearing about your wonderful group of friends! Thank you for sharing.
Jill
Stephenie-
My heart hurt as I read your comment. I feel your pain, sister. Please feel free to contact me to learn more on what God is leading me to do in forgiving my former church hurts.
Christie
http://www.awakentheheartministries.com
Jill, I wanted to share about two great friends I have! Amye is a great gal I met (in Kroger of all places!) almost 2 years ago & we have since formed a great friendship. We are both SAHM's and she is always readily available to talk, get together at the last minute, or whatever I need, she's there! I recently began home schooling my oldest child and the first week, she came and got my youngest to give me time to focus on the older one. She's a just a wonderful friend!
I met Cherie about 4 years ago and she is the total opposite of Amye. She is very busy with two sets of twins & rarely has time to talk or get together. We mostly email & at times we will go a week or two w/o talking at all, but I know that if I need her, she will be there for me. We have had several times of prayer together, she knows me better than anyone and I can always be myself around her – she accepts me as I am. She's loyal and solid. It's taken me a long time to know the meaning of a true friend, but God has shown me what real friends are by blessing me with two of the best ones I could ever ask for.
Thank you for your sharing your heart with others! I have a group of ladies meeting every other week right now & our study is on your "My Hearts at Home" book. That book has been such a blessing to us! So, thank you Jill!
Jill,
I had to comment on this one Jill because I consider YOU one of my closest friends. Even though we moved away from Bloomington over 18 years ago, I appreciate how we have maintained our friendship. I think we have been intentional about staying in touch. Thank goodness for e-mail! I would encourage any young moms out there to stay in touch with the moms they are “doing life together with” while their kids are young. It’s been really rewarding to see our kids grow up, find their lifelong mates, get married and start leading productive, responsible lives. What a blessing and so worth all those years we sacrificed as being stay-at-home moms living on one income. Our friendship has now spanned 2 decades and I look forward to our years ahead and doing the “grandma” thing together :). Bonnie
I know the giveaway is long over, but I wanted to comment here anyway.
I’m thankful to the Lord for a strong network of Christian moms through my church. But a year ago the Lord challenged me to start a moms group in my neighborhood, and so I stepped out in faith. I’m so glad I did because the encouragement and support we exchange is wonderful. Most of these precious ladies don’t know the Lord. As I get to know their stories I pray that one day I can introduce them to the Lover of their souls. This season of motherhood is an opportune time to show the love of Jesus to another mom, and he will always equip us for what he’s called us to do. I desire to encourage other Christian moms on my blog Faithmomifesto.com. Come visit!