Jill: When was the last time you and your spouse talked? I mean really talked. Not about the kids’ grades, your family schedule, or who’s taking the kids to basketball practices. True, connecting conversations that include listening to one another’s dreams and hopes, as well as any frustrations about where things currently are.
Mark: If we were honest, it’s all too easy to focus on the logistics of life like diapers and dishes and forget to start conversations that deepen our intimacy in marriage. We have to be intentional if we want to get to know our spouse and keep dating them throughout our marriage.
Jill: Often in marriage, we can make assumptions about what our spouse is thinking and feeling. However, we rarely take the time to actually ask…and fully listen.
Mark: Just taking the step to start asking intentional questions can lead to some really important conversations that may just help you learn something new about your spouse while deepening your connection.
Jill: We like to use a helpful phrase in our conversations to improve our listening skills and show that we care about their response. This phrase is “Tell me more about that” and sometimes can be followed up with “So what I hear you saying is _______. Is that correct?” This helps us prompt our spouse to go deeper into the topic while we resist the urge to comment or insert our thoughts on the question. Save that for when you’re doing the talking.
Mark: We know it can be hard to set aside a consistent time to simply talk about your marriage, but the investment is well worth fighting for! We want to encourage you to commit to talking through these 30 Marriage Conversation Starters over the next week or even the next month! (And if you want even more conversation starters, be sure to download the complete list here.) With these, you don’t even have to come up with the questions to ask; all you have to do is set aside the time to do it.
Jill: We recommend using these questions while enjoying your morning coffee, as you share dinner, or before you go to bed.
Mark: One of our pro tips is from the author of Love and Respect, Emerson Eggerichs. He says that women like to speak face-to-face, while men prefer shoulder-to-shoulder communication. This insight can be helpful in how you frame your approach to starting conversations with your spouse.
Jill: We’ve used these questions as we were driving. I even learned that Mark has an Alaskan cruise on his bucket list as a result. We had never talked about that!
See what you can discover with these 30 Marriage Conversation Starters:
Want even more? Grab our complete list here.
About Each Other
1. What are two things on your personal bucket list?
2. What is one thing you appreciate about me?
3. What is the most important goal you have for yourself for the coming year?
4. If you could pursue your “dream job,” what would it be?
5. What can I do to help you achieve your goals?
6. How do you prefer to celebrate your next birthday?
7. What does your ideal vacation look like?
Our Marriage
8. If you had to give our marriage a grade, what grade would you give it?
9. Are you satisfied with the time we have together as a couple?
10. What is a date activity you have wanted to do together?
11. What do I do that you’d like me to do more often?
12. What do I do that you’d like me to do less often?
13. What could we do to celebrate our next anniversary?
14. Is there something special we’d like to do for our upcoming milestone anniversary? Should we start planning or saving toward that?
Our Faith
15. How are we doing spiritually? Are we serving in our church and community in meaningful ways that match our passions?
16. What would it look like to spend time in Scripture or pray together on a regular basis?
17. What is weighing heavy on your heart that I can be praying for you about?
18. Is there a portion of Scripture or a verse that you would like to be our “family verse” for the year?
Our Family Life
19. How is our pace of life? Too fast? Not active enough?
20. Are there any adjustments on the home front we need to make? Division of chores? Parenting challenges?
21. How are we doing with extended family relationships? Are there any boundaries we need to set or reinforce?
22. What do you like best about our holiday traditions?
23. What do you like least about our holiday traditions?
24. If our family had a motto, what would it be?
Our Goals Together
25. What is the most important goal you have for us for the coming year?
26. Is there anything we need to change in how we manage our money?
27. What would you like our life to look like in five years? Ten years? Twenty years?
28. What activities would you like us to do more often?
29. What activities would you like us to do less often?
30. How do you envision spending our retirement?
Meaningful conversation takes intention, but it’s so worth it. We hope these conversation starters lead to some great discussion in your marriage. Your marriage matters! And if you want even more great conversation starters, be sure to download the complete list here.
