Jill: We can tend to think of marriage as a fantasy love story where two people find each other, fall in love, and all the details fall into place like magic. They head off into the sunset to find their happily ever after.
Mark: The reality is quite a bit messier. Even healthy marriages go through rough patches, arguments, and difficult seasons or circumstances. It takes work to sustain a life-long relationship!
Jill: Our marriage is no exception. As we like to say, we’ve been married for 41 years, 31 of them happily. Over the years we’ve dealt with pornography, high amounts of criticism, infidelity, and more. All of that taught us something really important: we could all use a little bit of hope and outside help from time to time.
Mark: From where you are sitting today, you might be thinking that you could never try coaching or perhaps that your marriage can’t be helped or even that it doesn’t need it. What we have found is that marriages either grow or they regress. They never stand still.
Jill: We’re firm believers in investing in marriages through coaching. It’s a great resource for getting to the root of any issues impacting your relationship and receiving practical strategies you can start implementing right away.
Mark: We know that there’s sometimes a stigma around seeking help to navigate the challenges in your marriage. Many couples harbor misguided beliefs around this topic—beliefs that can stop them from getting the support they need. That’s why we’re here to debunk five of the most common misconceptions we hear about marriage coaching:
1) The coach will take you (or your spouse’s) side.
Jill: It’s natural to fear that you’ll be made out to be the bad guy or gal. You may have even experienced this kind of pain in the past.
On the other side of the coin, it’s not uncommon for one spouse to enter a session thinking something along the lines of:
“I can’t wait for the coach to tell my spouse that I’m right, they’re wrong, and they need to change their ways.”
In our experience, there is rarely (if ever) an issue that is 100% one person’s fault.
For instance, if you are trying to heal from a betrayal—whether that be an affair, the decision to leave, or distancing from the relationship—it’s not your job to blame yourself for your spouse’s actions, but it is important that you own what’s yours. We each need to go through the “junk in the trunk” of our lives.
Both spouses need to go into coaching with an open mind and a willingness to own what is theirs. Everyone has areas where they could benefit from getting an outside perspective and being challenged to grow personally.
2) Coaching is only for relationships that are struggling.
Mark: We like to say, if you’re not growing together, you’re growing apart. Even if your marriage is not in crisis, investing in the relationship by participating in coaching sessions every now and then can help you reconnect, deepen your bond, and ensure that each person in the relationship feels seen.
Marriages don’t crumble in a day, it’s the slow fades that chip away at them bit by bit. Oftentimes, we don’t even realize it’s happening. When Jill and I were “working” on our marriage, infidelity still became a part of our story.
If we had committed to uncovering these slow fades and addressing the little things that were drawing us away from each other sooner, our story may have been different. Coaching can help you understand these common patterns BEFORE they cause you to drift away from one another.
3) We’ll be judged for the darker parts of our relationship.
Jill: We know how scary it can be to reveal all the raw details of your relationship. However, a trusted coach will be there to provide you with unbiased guidance no matter what situation you find yourself in. In reality, most experienced marriage counselors and coaches have seen and heard it all—their desire is to offer you guidance from an outside perspective, not to judge you.
Being open and honest has been our mantra since our own marriage imploded. We’ve dug deep, removed masks, and peeled away layers to expose the real us.
Our promise to you is a safe space to be open and vulnerable as you work towards healing. We also vow to share the hard-earned wisdom we’ve discovered throughout our own journey every step of the way. We’re cheering you on to embrace your real, beautiful, broken, less-than-perfect marriage and stay in the game for the long haul.
We understand that marriage isn’t about perfection—it’s about growth. Every couple is welcome just as they are, imperfections and all! We are ready to help equip you to grow as an individual, flourish as a couple, and achieve a healthier, more fulfilling marriage.
4) It’s not possible for us to change things and turn this around.
Jill: First, let me say that I’m so sorry for the pain you’re experiencing. I wish it could be taken away with the snap of a finger. It can’t though. I had to walk it out and you will have to as well.
I know what it feels like to be without hope. The world feels dark. The grief is real. Your heart is ripped to pieces and you’re not sure you’re ever going to experience joy again. My marriage made it after a lot of self-reflection, counseling, coaching, and prayer but even if it hadn’t, I want you to know that I would be okay today. Regardless of what happens in your world, I want you to know that you will be okay, too.
We can’t guarantee that your story will have the same outcome as ours, but we hope that our journey helps you to find a glimmer of hope and see that God can work through ANY circumstance to repair what has been broken—as long as both partners in your marriage are willing to do the work, too.
5) Coaching costs too much time and money.
Mark: Investing in your marriage through coaching might seem costly, but before you write it off as too expensive, consider the alternative. What if your marriage falls apart? Divorce can be far more costly—not just financially, but emotionally as well.
We know that everyone’s situation is different, and sometimes, money is tight. We’ve been there ourselves and we totally get it! However, we’ve also seen that, sometimes, time and finances can become easy excuses to put off the hard work of healing and strengthening a marriage. We want to remind you that your happiness and the health of your relationship are worth prioritizing! No matter where you are, small steps toward growth can make a big difference.
To make our coaching as accessible as possible, we’ve created three different options/price points so you can pick the one that fits best for you. If you have significant financial hurdles that prevent you from receiving coaching help, we do offer a limited number of partial scholarships funded through our Life 2.0 Foundation.
If a lack of time is your main concern, we also offer Zoom sessions that can be scheduled whenever works best for you. (Yes, even at night after your kids are in bed.) We understand how difficult it can be to carve out time in your schedule to drive, sometimes up to 30 minutes, to a local coach or counselor. Zoom is a great option to minimize your time commitment.
Our marriage coaching developed out of our own marriage pain, our healing work, and the hundreds of requests we receive from couples looking for help for their marriage. Some couples schedule marriage mentoring preventively—it’s a time to push the pause button and ask, “How are we really doing?” Others seek it out for their broken marriage barely hanging on by a thread.
No matter where your marriage is currently at, we are ready to help you find hope, healing, and help. Our personal style of marriage coaching is to guide compassionate, open, and honest conversations (with a healthy dose of humor) that bring you clarity as well as encouragement that you are not alone as you take your marriage to the next level.
Learn more or book your coaching session here>>
