February is a month devoted to professing our love for one another.
However, in February of 2012, Valentine’s Day was anything but enjoyable for me.
Twelve days earlier, on February 4th, Mark had left, and my entire world was turned upside down. Not only that, but infidelity was a part of why he left, so there was a double-whammy on my heart.
Here’s an excerpt from a post I shared around that time:
“I’m still sleeping single in a king-sized bed, and honestly, evenings and nights are the hardest for me. This is when loneliness kicks in. It’s when feelings of rejection threaten to overtake me, and tears of pain seem to come without warning.”
That year, Valentine’s Day was really hard. It certainly didn’t feel special, and it looked nothing like the Valentine messaging we see in commercials or on social media.
Maybe you feel the same? If you are navigating broken trust or heartache in your relationship, or you’re single and wish you weren’t, or you’re going through an unwanted divorce, February may feel hard for you this year.
I want you to know that you are not alone. You are not “less than.” And it is not wrong for you to experience the emotions you’re experiencing.
As we walk through the grocery stores littered with hearts and candies, all the while carrying heartbreak, here are six tips I wish someone had shared with me while I was trying to tend to my broken heart:
1) God has already sent you a Valentine.
That Valentine is His Word…the Bible.
God loves you far more than you could ever imagine. He is proud of you. He sees you. He is with you. He cares for you. And He loves you with a deep, eternal, unshakable love.
Here are some of the words He shares in His Valentine to you:
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 8:38-39
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” – John 3:16
“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken.” – Isaiah 54:10
You are so loved, my friend. Remember that during these next few weeks, especially.
2) Resist the urge to compare your insides to other people’s outsides.
In today’s world, it’s easy to look at others and think that their life is so much better than yours. Days like Valentine’s Day tempt us to do that even more. You don’t have to go far to see posts of people bragging on their spouse who bought flowers, planned an extravagant meal, or gave a thoughtful gift.
The truth is that there is so much more going on behind-the-scenes of people’s lives that we don’t see. We don’t know if immediately after taking that social media photo or video, an argument ensued or if they spent the remainder of the evening in silent isolation.
Instead of comparing your insides to other people’s outsides, take some time and make a list of 15-20 things you’re grateful for in YOUR life. Even in the midst of a difficult or heartbreaking season, what blessings has God provided? What do you still have?
I want to encourage you to actually write those things down and each day from now until the end of Valentine’s Day, keep thanking God for those things. This will shift your focus from what you don’t have to what you do have. That’s a Valentine’s gift to give to yourself!
3) Spend time with the people you love.
It can be easy to feel alone on Valentine’s Day.
Valentine’s Day is all about celebrating love—but that doesn’t have to be limited to romantic love.
It can be tempting to isolate yourself during a hard season or when navigating a difficult holiday (and yet a quiet day to yourself might be what you need at this point in your journey). However, if you find yourself wishing you had company, don’t hesitate to reach out to the loved ones in your life.
You might even consider gathering some of your close friends for a night in. Pick something you enjoy doing that will bring you love and laughter for the evening.
4) Remember that healing takes time.
When you’re in a season of waiting, it’s always hard when something like Valentine’s Day rolls around, and you’re hit with constant reminders of the pain you’re trying to process.
If you feel like this holiday is reopening wounds you have been working so hard at mending, I want to say that I’m so sorry for the pain you’re experiencing. I wish it could be taken away with the snap of a finger. It can’t, though.
I’ve been in your shoes and had to walk out my pain, and you will have to as well. However, I can also tell you that you will be okay, too. Someday this difficult season will be in the rearview mirror of your life.
5) Tend to your pain.
In the midst of my marriage crisis, there were nights when all I could do was crawl under the sheets and whisper, “Hold me, Jesus. I need to feel your arms around me.”
It’s normal to shy away from our feelings or want to push them down, ignore them, or try to avoid them. The reality is that those feelings won’t magically go away on their own. We often have to allow them to be felt and to grieve over what we’re going through. These things take time to process!
It’s alright if all you have energy for this Valentine’s Day is a good cry and an early bedtime. During my worst days, it was so vital for me to confide in counselors and friends, talk to God (He cares about our hurts and “negative” feelings too!), or journal about how I was feeling.
6) The story isn’t over yet.
One of the hardest parts of navigating this pain is feeling like all hope is lost. I want to remind you that the end of your story hasn’t been revealed yet! While I can’t promise the outcome of your story, I can promise that God is still at work in you.
This experience may help you become aware of areas you need to address in your own heart and soul—I learned so much about the areas of my life I needed to heal and grow during my dark year. Or it could be this experience will help you better minister to and encourage others who are going through similar circumstances. It might even be that God is allowing your relationship to crumble so that one day it will be rebuilt into something better.
While we don’t yet know the end result, we do know that we can trust God to guide our steps. During this period of waiting, we have a unique opportunity to grow, uncover patterns in our lives, and draw closer to God.
Are you in season of waiting? I want to personally invite you to our Wait is Not Wasted Course. This course was designed for people who are standing alone and wondering how to survive the waiting without losing themselves.
In this course, you’ll learn practical, faith-anchored tools to steady your emotions, grow spiritually, and respond with strength instead of desperation. The Wait is Not Wasted Course does not promise outcomes you cannot control. It equips you to become healthy, grounded, and hopeful no matter what happens next.
