“Never stop dating your spouse.”
You’ve probably heard this phrase before and may have even tried to put it into practice! If you’re not familiar with it, “dating” your spouse simply means making romance a regular priority even after you tie the knot. We always say that if you aren’t intentional about connecting with your spouse, good marriages become stale and hurting marriages disintegrate.
When you first met your spouse, you likely invested a large amount of time and effort into dating them. You took time to make a plan and set reservations or buy tickets to an event you thought they would enjoy. You put effort into picking out just the right outfit, and eager to make a good impression, you showed up a tad early to pick them up.
However, something changes the deeper we get into marriage. The couch gets a bit comfier, your responsibilities start piling up, and if you have children, you may start wondering when you will ever be able to find another moment to yourselves again!
And yet in the midst of everything going on in your life, here we are suggesting that you set aside dedicated time to invest in your spouse by dating them. It may feel like an impossible ask! However, the truth is that taking the time to date your spouse in any stage of your marriage is an investment that will pay dividends for years to come.
In our story, there were seasons when the only time we could find to connect privately with each other was the first thirty minutes after the kids were in bed. Now as empty nesters, we have to make it a priority to get away from our everyday routine and focus on each other. What we’ve discovered is that, no matter what season of life you’re in, slowing down and taking time to flirt, communicate, learn, and have fun together is essential in sustaining intimacy.
Here are some of our favorite ways to keep dating one another in any season of marriage:
1. Stay Curious About Your Spouse
Think back to when you started dating your spouse. You had tons of questions to ask them, such as:
- Do you want kids?
- What are your dreams and fears?
- What’s your favorite restaurant?
- Do you have any hobbies?
- Would you prefer a vacation at the beach or the mountains?
After a few years of marriage, we have a tendency to stop asking as many questions or inquiring about our spouse’s thoughts, feelings, dreams, and ambitions.
In reality, the process of getting to know your husband or wife is a deep well with no end. If you need help sparking more curiosity about your spouse, there are lots of wonderful tools you can use, from the Gottman Card Decks App, to this famous set of 36 questions scientifically proven to draw you closer, to conversation cards and more.
Taking the time to ask what your spouse believes or why they do something a certain way will help build intimacy as you express your genuine curiosity to know them on a deeper level.
2. Grow Together
You aren’t the same person who met your spouse all those years ago, nor are you the same person today that you will be 10 or 20 years from now. The same is true for your spouse! We are all constantly growing, being shaped by experiences, and learning new things. As a result, it’s important to be intentional about growing with your spouse.
This means embracing who your spouse is today and who they will grow into over many years to come. As you walk through life together, you will have shared experiences that will naturally help bond you to one another. There will also be times when one person has grown individually, and you’ll need to be intentional about sharing that growth and relearning how to connect with each other.
Your marriage will hit bumps along the way, but when you are committed to growing together instead of growing apart, you’ll do the work to reconnect, adapt, and embrace how God is sanctifying and growing you both.
3. Have Weekly Marriage Meetings
Each and every week on Sunday afternoon, you’ll find us sitting around our kitchen table together. This is a special time we set aside to make sure we are on the same page when it comes to our marriage, our calendar, and important tasks. We call this our “weekly marriage meeting.”
There are many things you could talk about in a marriage meeting, but we have found there are a few key aspects that are important to align about week after week. Our goal during this time is to:
- Connect with one another
- Talk about the logistics of life
- Spend time together with God
With all the craziness of life, it’s easy to drift apart. A weekly marriage meeting helps combat this by creating intentional opportunities for connection.
LEARN MORE: How to Have a Weekly Marriage Meeting | #MarriageMonday
4. Keep the Romance Alive
When was the last time you flirted with your spouse? Staying playful is the key to keeping romance front and center in your relationship. If we forget to flirt, the responsibilities of life can often take over the majority of our interactions with our spouse. Instead of acting like lovers, we may end up acting more like roommates.
Flirting with your spouse is an important part of any marriage. Yet many couples struggle with keeping this spark alive.
Texting your spouse flirtatious messages is the perfect place to start. When we make an effort to communicate the kind things we think about our spouse and let our partner know they’re on our mind, it’s amazing how much more connected we start to feel to one another.
We’ve gotten in the habit of flirting over text throughout the day and have been amazed at how much it does to connect us throughout our busy days. If texting isn’t your jam, you can leave notes on the mirror, tell your spouse verbally how much you appreciate them, buy a special outfit for the bedroom, plan a special date with all your spouse’s favorite things, and more!
Check out our Flirt Alert resource to get 60 “copy and paste” messages to kickstart the romance.
5. Have Novel Experiences Together
After a while, life can start to feel like the same old routines over and over again. You wake up in the morning, work, care for your children, eat dinner, sleep, and then repeat the whole thing the next day. It can get a bit monotonous.
That’s why we love participating in novel activities together! This practice breaks up the norm and allows you to make new and exciting memories together.
This could look like trying a new hobby, taking a class, or even cooking a special meal together. We know that some couples don’t have the time to make extravagant plans, or they run out of ideas for how to spend intentional and exciting time together. This is why we created our Easy Date Nights:
These are weekly date ideas designed to spark laughter, ignite romance, and deepen your connection with your spouse.
Dating your spouse is a crucial part of maintaining a strong and connected relationship. It takes intentional time, planning, and effort, but it’s so worth it to keep investing in your romance with the same level of excitement and commitment you had when you first caught each other’s eye.
We know this isn’t always easy to do. Life can get hectic, and there are many things vying for your attention. We created our Date Night community to give you a resource that will help you keep dating your spouse even when life gets busy. Explore this resource if you’re looking for a simple way to start trying something new with your spouse on a regular basis:
