Our marriage went off the tracks in 2011, when Mark was in a full-on midlife crisis, affair included. It would take us two years to move from being on the verge of divorce to a healed and improved Mark & Jill 2.0. I wouldn’t wish anyone to go through infidelity; however, it can be a wake-up call that reveals the places of hurt, pain, and dysfunction that should have been addressed a long time ago.
In this episode, Mark and I are sharing more about recovering from infidelity and the essentials of healing broken trust. We work with many couples who are at different stages of the infidelity journey, which is why we are so open with our own story.
It can be so valuable to have someone walk alongside you as you navigate rebuilding trust and recovering from infidelity, but even more than that, our hope is that this episode will give guidance to anyone no matter where you are on this journey.
Join us as Mark and I share:
- The first step to recovering from infidelity
- The difference between conviction and condemnation
- Why hoarding our hurts damages your marriage
- And more!
Infidelity recovery is absolutely possible! And you can have an even better marriage than what you had before.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- FREE eBook and the Rebuilding Trust Roadmap
- [BOOK] I Really Messed Up
- [BOOK] My Heart is Broken
- Rebuilding Trust Online Course
- Mark & Jill’s Marriage Intensive
- As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks.
My Key Takeaways:
1) It all starts with a U-turn. The spouse that was unfaithful has to make the decision to make a 180-degree turn away from their infidelity and back to their spouse. The action that accompanies this is to send a breakup letter or email with your spouse beside you. Mark and I recommend never breaking up in person and avoiding using terms of endearment like “Dear [insert name]” or “Sincerely” in the note. After you send it, create further separation from the affair partner by breaking off all contact and blocking them across all platforms.
2) There is trust to rebuild for both spouses. No matter who broke the trust with infidelity, there is broken trust for both spouses. As the faithful partner, you did not cause your partner to have an affair, but you could have contributed to the cracks in your relationship. This could be anything from having a critical spirit, trying to parent your spouse, or minimizing their voice. These are all things that can contribute to broken trust. It takes consistent changed behavior to build it back up again.
3) Leave behind who you were before. We have to let go of the idea of who we were before as a couple and individually. The people you were before were marked by broken trust and betrayal. That’s the old 1.0 version. As you seek to move from 1.0 to the 2.0 version, it can be extremely helpful to have a third party such as a coach or counselor help you break out of old patterns and into new healthy ones. Not only will your relationship with your spouse be better than ever before, but you will be a healthier, happier individual as well!
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