Have you found yourself spending a lot more time with your spouse than you’re used to? You’re not alone! And if that’s your circumstances, this episode is for you.

In the last few years, many of us have found ourselves experiencing a lot more togetherness due to one or both spouses beginning to work from home. However you may also be experiencing more togetherness with your spouse due to retirement or running a business together. Whatever the case may be, the reality is that we don’t always do “togetherness” well.

So what do we do when all the time that we spend together feels challenging?

Joining me today is Cynthia Ruchti. She is the author of over 30 books (that makes me tired to just think about!), including her book Spouse in the House, where she looks at how to better handle increased togetherness. The conversation in this podcast was actually taken from a video interview that we did for our No More Perfect Marriages Date Night members, but it was such a rich conversation that I wanted to share it with you as well!

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• How we can rearrange our attitudes to make room for each other.
• Why increased togetherness can be so difficult on a marriage.
• How to be honest with our spouse without being rude.
• Some real-life examples about how Cynthia has navigated this in her own marriage.

Let me know what part of this conversation resonated for you!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Cynthia Ruchti’s Website
• Spouse in the House: Rearranging Our Attitudes to Make Room for Each Other by Cynthia Ruchti
• Follow Cynthia on Facebook and Instagram
• No More Perfect Date Night
• As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks!

My Key Takeaways:

1) It is very normal for togetherness to become uncomfortable. Think back to the first roommate you ever had. The first few weeks were pretty smooth sailing, but then the differences began to come out and started to rub each other the wrong way. Friction in relationships is very normal, especially when start spending more time together than we’re used to. However, it’s how you decide to handle that uncomfortableness that will define your relationship! The way your spouse wants to do things isn’t wrong; it’s just different. So rather than trying to deny that there is an uncomfortable element to the togetherness, take the time to identify how you and your spouse need to adjust.

2) Respect each other’s needs. Is one of you an extrovert and the other an introvert? If so, then you likely need different things to relax. Do you have different hobbies? Does one of you like watching TV while the other would prefer a book? Taking the time to find what your spouse needs and making sure they have the space to get it is just one way we can show respect and care for one another. That may mean you need to make sacrifices (or maybe invest in noise-canceling headphones! ?), but making sure you have room in your relationship to meet each other’s needs is vital.

3) Intentionally navigate daily life with kindness. If you are adjusting to a new level of togetherness, it is important to talk about the changes in the dynamics of your relationship with kindness. Rather than bringing up demands or pointing out how your spouse isn’t doing something, instead ask questions about how you are going to share or adjust those responsibilities. Discuss what time you are going to start your day, when you are going to get chores done, and when you will make time for hobbies. Being kind to our spouse truly can be the difference between a daily life of bliss and a daily life full of blisters.

About Cynthia: