Friday night rolls around—date night—but you’ve been overwhelmed all week between scrambling to meet deadlines at work, making sure the kids get all their homework done, and shuttling them to and from a long list of extracurricular activities.
As you walk in the door, you see that your spouse is just as exhausted as you are.
“How about DoorDash and a movie?” you offer with a tired smile.
It’s a tale as old as time: getting stuck in the “dinner-and-a-movie” date night rut.
When we first started dating our spouse, everything was exciting. We were sharing novel experiences and learning something new about each other every day. We had more time to plan fun outings, more motivation to show up as our best selves, and more mental space to be fully present with the person we love most.
Yet over time, as our relationship settles into the rhythm of daily life, intentional date nights can start to slip away. After a few years of marriage, they might disappear altogether. It’s not until we find ourselves on the couch for the fifth Friday in a row—phones in hand, a movie playing in the background, barely speaking—that we pause and wonder: Have we forgotten how to connect?
How do we escape this cycle? How can we bring fresh ideas to the table and keep the romance at the forefront of our date nights as a married couple?
We’ve got a few ideas to help! Years ago, when our marriage was in crisis, we realized our date nights had become stale. We weren’t connecting with one another in the ways we longed for. Today, we’ve completely revitalized our romance—and it all starts with breaking out of your routine…
What Your Date Nights Might Be Missing
Familiar routines like takeout and TV can be comforting, but they don’t always invite deep conversation or real connection.
If your date nights have become more about convenience than intentionality, you’re not alone. It’s completely normal to fall back on what feels easy—especially when life is busy.
However, research shows that novelty is key for keeping the spark alive in long-term relationships. Are you ready to try something new and breathe fresh life into the way you date your spouse?
The DOs for a Successful Date Night
Let’s start with all the things you should do for a successful date night. Creating a meaningful night with your spouse doesn’t happen by accident. It takes time, planning, and a dash of creativity.
Here are some of the things we recommend to set your date up for success:
- Plan Ahead – Unlike what is shown in movies and TV shows, romance doesn’t “just happen.” It takes planning and intentionality to create the environment for your romance to bloom. This could be making a reservation at that one restaurant that gets booked out months in advance or it could be finding a local shop that will let you explore a hobby you’ve always wanted to try. Pottery anyone?
- Get Creative – Want to stop getting stuck in a rut? Finding novel experiences to enjoy in your city is the perfect way to avoid feeling trapped in a cycle of doing the same thing over and over. Creativity is about thinking outside of the box, so try things you’re curious about—even if you’re not sure that you’ll love it. Any activity can be fun with the right person—and sometimes, the dates that give us the most laughs and special memories are the ones where not everything goes according to plan.
- Alternate Who Plans the Date – It can get tiring to be the only one bringing new ideas to the table or planning out the details for each date. We like to alternate who plans the date, whether our dates happen every week or every month.
- Share Hobbies and Things You are Passionate About – Creating a successful date night doesn’t have to be complicated. Simply sharing your hobbies or doing something you are both passionate about is a great way to spend quality time with one another. One of the things we realized is that I (Jill) like to walk and talk. That quality time fills up my love tank. It’s a time when we get to connect through sharing our hopes and dreams with one another. Now, we’ve made this an almost daily activity we share!
- Organize Childcare – If you’re in the season of raising a family, we know it isn’t always practical to go out on a date night where you hire a sitter. But we highly encourage couples to have a semi-regular date night where you get out of the house or can’t be interrupted by children. This might mean calling in the grandparent reinforcements or trading off babysitting with another couple.
- Flirt Before the Date – That’s right! Part of having a successful date night is building up anticipation for the actual event. Be sure to text your spouse and remind them how much you are looking forward to spending quality time together. You could even send them this text: “I can’t wait to go on our date together…and see where the rest of the night takes us…” For more text ideas like this one, check out our Flirt Alert resource!
- Have Fun – When we think of dating, we may have feelings of guilt or obligation come up. If we haven’t planned or enjoyed any new date nights in a while, we may feel like this is just another task to check off our to-do list. However, don’t forget that the whole point of this activity is to enjoy yourselves! By far, the most important factor to a successful date night is to have fun together: laugh, giggle, and really enjoy each other!
The DO NOTs for a Successful Date Night
Now that we have a few of the to-dos out of the way, here are a few DO NOTs you should do your best to avoid:
- Bring Up Past Arguments – There is a time and a place to bring up issues you are having, but that should NOT happen on date night. This is a time for connection, romance, and love. Bringing up old wounds will only serve to drive you further apart.
- Scroll on Your Phone – It can be tough to do away with your phone entirely, especially if you need it for directions or in case a babysitter needs to reach you. As much as humanly possible, try to keep your phone in your pocket or purse. By doing this you communicate to your spouse that they have your full attention and that you are truly listening to what they have to say.
- Repeat the Same Date Over and Over – You’ll still have your favorite restaurant, but do your best to stretch yourself to do something new. It doesn’t mean every activity will be your favorite, but it does mean that you get to share the new experience with your spouse.
- Talk About Your Kids – If you are in the thick of parenting, your children likely take up most of your free time. You make sure they are ready for school, eating right, and having fun. However, when it comes to your date night, try to keep the focus on your spouse. We like to use some get-to-know-you question packs or conversation cards from Amazon if we are struggling to get the conversation rolling. (We also have two pages of conversation starters and 10 creative Date Nights in our Marriage Playbook!)
It’s natural for romance to fade over time and for relationships to drift apart. That’s why we put so much emphasis on planning intentional date nights with your spouse! Unless you’re intentional about connecting, good marriages become stale, and hurting marriages disintegrate.
If you’re ready to invest in your marriage and rekindle your romance, we’d like to introduce you to our Date Night Community. This is a resource we curate to help you stay connected with your spouse, even when life gets crazy. You’ll get access to fresh date ideas and conversations with experts that will help you deepen communication, ignite romance, and strengthen the connection with your spouse again.
Learn more or start your free 7-day trial today!
