What just happened? I came into that scenario with the best intentions, and yet somehow they still snapped at me!
Doing the right thing is not a guarantee that we will get the right response in return. There are many reasons why we might receive a negative reaction from someone despite our efforts. These can include our own heart attitude, the kind of day the other person had, and even the lens through which our actions are being interpreted.
When this happens, we can leave an interaction feeling discouraged, disappointed, ticked off, and wondering if we could have done anything differently. Whether it’s in our marriage, our friendships, or even our work relationships, we’ve all been at a loss for what to do next when somebody doesn’t respond well to us.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- Some of the causes for a negative response
- What our strongest motivation should be for doing the right thing
- Encouragement for when things don’t go the way you expected
- And more!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- Prefer to watch this episode? You can now view and subscribe to our YouTube.
- Transform Weekend
- How to Love Someone Who’s Hard to Love | Episode 20
- As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks.
Our Key Takeaways:
1) Acknowledge the disappointment. Before you rush to analyze what you could have done differently or what your next move should be, take a moment to process your feelings. Don’t rush past the hurt you may feel. It’s frustrating to have your efforts and actions taken the wrong way or for them to hurt somebody else’s feelings unintentionally. It’s completely normal (and actually helpful!) to sit with the situation for a moment and reflect on it rather than trying to ignore it. Often, our own response to their response can be the key that reveals where we should focus our attention for our own growth.
2) Be certain of your motivation. One danger of doing things the “right way” is that we can have the wrong motivation for our actions. If we expect a certain response and do something for that response, then we’ve fallen into manipulation. Instead, we should seek to do the right thing regardless of the outcome, because we are trying to be like Christ. If you want to check your motivation, consider how you will feel if you do the right thing without getting anything else out of it. Does that change what you do? If so, you might need to take some time in prayer to change your heart.
3) Give the other person grace. Growth and change happen for people at different paces. During our marriage crisis, I (Jill) felt the Lord calling me to simply love Mark, even though, time and time again, I would receive either no response or a negative response to my efforts. God had not yet done the work in Mark, and if I had responded back negatively or defensively, that might have undermined his growth. What’s incredible is that when we talk about our story, we know now that God was working through me to minister to Mark and eventually change his heart. If that’s the situation you are in today, I want to encourage you to lean on God’s strength and know that your story is not finished yet. The other person may be responding poorly now to your efforts, but you don’t yet know how your actions are softening their heart.
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