If there is one principle I have learned in nearly 40 years of marriage, it’s the principle that love is a choice. It’s a decision. It is not a feeling.

Dr. Gary Chapman believes that as well because Love Is a Choice is the name of his newest book. Dr. Gary Chapman is an author, speaker, and counselor who has a passion for helping people form lasting relationships. You may recognize his name from his book, The 5 Love Languages, which is a resource that Mark and I often use in our marriage coaching (Gary also wrote the foreword to our book No More Perfect Marriages). Today, Gary is going to help us understand even more about love and how it is a conscious choice in our relationships.

In this conversation, you’ll hear:

  • Why love is more than an emotion
  • A review of the 5 Love Languages and what they look like in action
  • Highlights of a few of the 28 stories featured in his latest book
  • The perspective shift Mark took from our last conversation with Dr. Gary Chapman
  • And much more!

It is always a pleasure when I get to have a conversation with Dr. Gary Chapman and I’m glad I get to share it with you this week!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

My Key Takeaways:

1) Love is more than an emotion. Love is often portrayed as that fuzzy, positive feeling you get. But as time passes, it’s common for those positive feelings to get replaced with negative ones. If the feeling is all you have, your relationship will crumble. Instead, love actually starts with an attitude that our behaviors grow out of—it is a choice. When we feel our positive feelings start to fade, we have to make the conscious choice to see that person as God sees them.

2) Choose to love your spouse using their love language. If you have not yet taken the free 5 Love Languages assessment, you can discover your spouse’s love language by observing them. Do they commonly ask you to take care of things around the house? When you return from a trip, do they ask if you brought something back for them? Do they often ask to take walks or spend intentional time together? If we pay attention, we can discover their love language and choose to love them using it.

3) View inconveniences as an opportunity. The things we view as inconveniences are often the very thing that can help us strengthen our relationship. Interruptions are an opportunity to connect with our spouse. Inconveniences are a chance to allow our spouse to be who they truly are. When we see inconveniences as an opportunity to connect, love, and appreciate our spouse, then we can choose to invest in our relationship in those moments.

About Dr. Gary Chapman:


Dr. Gary Chapman is an author, speaker, and counselor who has a passion for helping people and for helping them form lasting relationships. He is the bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages and the director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc. Dr. Gary Chapman lives in Winston-Salem, NC with his wife, Karolyn.





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