Most parents hope to maintain a close, loving relationship with their children as they grow into adulthood. Unfortunately, the relationship they imagined doesn’t always become reality. When that happens, the disappointment can run deep, leaving parents wondering what went wrong and how to bridge the growing distance.
Many of these relationships are marked by complex emotions like tension, grief, hurt, and even anger. Honestly, that’s one of the reasons I dedicated the first half of my book, Empty Nest, Full Life, to guiding parents on how to navigate the tricky process of developing new relationship dynamics with their children as they launch into the adult world.
My latest guest on the podcast has done the same with her latest book. Dr. Kathy Koch is the founder of Celebrate Kids, and is known as a trusted guide for parents raising kids of all ages. She offers steady encouragement for parents in seasons that often feel uncertain. With a PhD in educational psychology and reading, Dr. Koch helps parents understand their children more clearly.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- The importance of waiting for our advice to be invited
- How parents can utilize the empty nest season to establish new routines
- The importance of being a safe person for our adult children to approach
- And more!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- Prefer to watch this episode? You can now view and subscribe to our YouTube.
- [BOOK] Empty Nest, Full Life
- [BOOK] Resolve Conflict and Find Peace and Hope with Adult Children
- [BOOK] No More Perfect Kids
- How Are You Smart? with Dr. Kathy Koch | Episode 18
- The BeTween Podcast
- BLOG: Give The Gift of Holiday Freedom
- Empty Nest, Full Life Moms Facebook Group
- When Adult Children Shut You Out with Sarah | Episode 180
- Connect with Kathy on her website, Instagram, or Facebook
- As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks.
My Key Takeaways:
1) This is an opportunity to look inward. For the last 18 years of your child’s life, you’ve been focused on their needs—making sure they have clothes that fit, checking that they are doing their homework, and ensuring they are learning all the necessary skills for adulthood. Now that they have launched into adulthood, this is the perfect time to redirect that energy and attention on yourself. What healthy habits would you like to establish in your life? Maybe you start going on walks in the morning, join a book club, or pick up a new hobby you haven’t had time for in the past. Remember, both you and your child are discovering what your new normal will be!
2) Offer creative situations that make it easy to have connection. There are many demands on a person’s life; the same is true of your adult child. Their social calendar may fill up fast with a career, new friends, and, when they get married, a whole new set of family members asking to spend time together. You can make it easier for them to connect with you if you work around their obligations—such as offering to get together the day before or after a major holiday. Consider asking your adult child what kind of gathering would best suit their needs in this season of life, and then adjust according to their preferences. Is one of your children a new parent? You may need to travel to them for the next holiday, or offer to bring over a meal and do some cleaning while you are there to help lighten their load through loving acts of service.
3) Learn how to sit in the silence. It’s hard when we believe our child is making an incorrect decision that could alter their life or raising their children in a way that they will regret. Everything in our being is urging us to say something. However, as parents and grandparents, it’s no longer our role to offer unsolicited advice or correct what we see as incorrect behavior. Instead, we can turn to prayer, knowing that God is the one in control, and wait to be asked for our help. While in this season of waiting, we can practice complimenting what they are doing well. This is especially helpful when dealing with daughters and sons-in-law. How much more positive would your relationship with them be if, instead of criticism, your in-laws heard compliments from you?
About Kathy:
Dr. Kathy Koch is an author, speaker, podcaster, and the founder of Celebrate Kids, which exists to equip and encourage parents to raise Godly children who understand their purpose. She is known as a trusted guide for parents raising kids of all ages, who offers steady encouragement for parents in seasons that often feel uncertain. With a PhD in educational psychology and reading, Dr. Koch helps parents understand their children more clearly. Some of her books include, No More Perfect Kids, Start With The Heart, and Resolve Conflict and Find Peace and Hope with Adult Children.
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