Can you remember your first breakup? Even if you parted ways amicably, you likely questioned if you were good enough, if you made the right choice, or even criticized yourself for not doing enough to try to make it work. When we journey through breakups, infidelity, trauma, or even divorce, the experience tends to stick with us in the form of intrusive thoughts and triggers.
My guest Leslie Hardie is an infidelity and trauma expert who has been in private practice since 2003. As a betrayed spouse herself, combined with many years of providing infidelity counseling, she counsels couples and brings meaningful insight and compassion to other betrayed spouses as well. Leslie gives us some tips on what to do when reminders of difficult circumstances we’ve been through pop up.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- The opportunity behind the hurt
- How to cope with the aftermath of betrayal
- Identifying thoughts that are from the enemy
- And so much more…
There is hope and healing after hurt!
(We’ve been sharing a shoutout at the beginning of each episode. This is an opportunity for us to celebrate our listeners, and specifically the transformation and celebrations in your life. Want to reach out to us? You can contact us here on our website or text our new No More Perfect hotline at 309-431-1718.)
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- The Wait is Not Wasted
- Affair Recovery
- Hope Rising Conference
- [BOOK] I Really Messed Up: Your Next Steps to Heal Your Marriage After an Affair
- [BOOK] My Heart is Broken: Your Next Steps for When Your Spouse is Unfaithful
- Sign up for a free 7-day trial of Date Night
- Join me at the Empty Nest Full Life Retreat!
- As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks.
My Key Takeaways:
1) Cling to the anchor in the storm. When betrayal or infidelity shakes us to the core, we need to turn to the anchor for our souls – Jesus. If all other parts of our life feel out of control, He is the firm foundation we can take refuge in. If our relationship with Him is solid, then we will not be swept away by our circumstances. For me, I had never felt closer to God than when I was walking through Mark’s infidelity.
2) Start with acceptance. When we experience intrusive thoughts, triggers, and reminders of the pain we have experienced, we need to accept the reality they are directing our attention to. In an odd way, these recurring thoughts help remind us of our new reality and push us toward acceptance. We have to carefully walk through these thoughts in order to process what we have experienced.
3) Utilize coping techniques. If your thoughts take a turn toward panic attacks, depression, or anxiety, it’s important to seek help from a professional and utilize coping techniques to deal with them properly. One of the techniques we heard from Leslie is to practice intentional breathing. This might look like “box breathing” or a simpler method such as breathing in for two seconds and then exhaling for four. There are so many great resources out there to teach some of these techniques or a therapist or counselor can suggest specific ones to you.
About Leslie:
Leslie Hardie is a licensed therapist, author, and speaker. As a betrayed spouse herself, combined with many years of providing infidelity counseling, Leslie brings meaningful insight and compassion to other betrayed spouses as well as counsels couples. She believes that life’s crises are opportunities that can be used for greater self-awareness and personal growth.
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