Today, we are talking about a subject many of us struggle with in one way or another—boundaries. We ask ourselves: Is it unloving or selfish to set a boundary? As Christians, aren’t we called to be long-suffering and grace-giving? If you’ve ever wrestled with these questions and wondered how a boundary fits into your life or your faith, this episode is for you.
My guest today has wrestled with these questions herself during her own relational struggles. After many hours of study and writing a new book on boundaries, she is committed to loving people well without compromising her own well-being. My guest, Lysa TerKeurst, is the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries and a New York Times bestselling author. She and I have been friends for quite some time, so it was great to have her on the podcast!
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- The connection between therapy and theology
- Biblical references for placing boundaries in our lives
- Some of the biggest mistakes we tend to make when it comes to boundaries
- And so much more!
This conversation was jam packed with wisdom. I’m praying you’ll benefit from it!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are by Lysa TerKeurst
- Lysa’s Website
- Proverbs31 Ministries
- Connect with Lysa on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter
- The Therapy & Theology Podcast
- As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks.
My Key Takeaways:
1) Boundaries show up at the beginning of Scripture. We can tend to view boundaries as selfish or unkind, but did you know that God showed us what a boundary is at the very beginning of Scripture? When He created the world, God put a physical boundary to tell the lakes, oceans, and rivers where to start and stop. He separated the sky from the dirt. In addition to creation, the very first conversation recorded is when God establishes a boundary with Adam to protect, not restrict him.
2) Boundaries are not intended to shut down a relationship. Of course, sometimes things happen that are not intended, but boundaries are meant to preserve the relationship—not the opposite. When the other person responds poorly to a boundary, your relationship was likely headed down this road regardless. Take time to ensure the boundary is healthy, but if you’re afraid of putting it up, that is a sign that the relationship is already in trouble.
3) Boundaries are about balancing access to responsibility. The type of access we allow people into our lives—physical, emotional, or spiritual—should match the responsibility the other person brings. We feel the tension in the relationship when the access and responsibility don’t match up. Instead of trying to force someone to increase their responsibility, we need to decrease their access by placing a boundary around it.
Lysa TerKeurst is the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries and a New York Times bestselling author. Her latest book, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are, just released in November. Lysa has walked through breast cancer and a marriage crisis that led to divorce; both of these circumstances ultimately prompted her to write her latest book. Lysa is a mom to five adult children and has three grandchildren. Her favorite place to write is from her family’s farm table in North Carolina.
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Everything Lysa shared is so spot on with my marriage. I continue to recieve confirmation from God, that I am taking the appropriate steps by separating – getting out of His way to do His work. I know that I will be ok. Praying it also for my husband.
It’s hard to make those decisions and we certainly can’t make them lightly. God will show you the next right steps.