In one of our more difficult seasons of marriage, we discovered that we were speaking different languages to each other. Mark was loving me the way he wanted to be loved and I was loving him the way I wanted to be loved. The problem was that we felt unloved by each other because we weren’t speaking each other’s love language. Today’s Marriage Monday looks at the concept of love languages.

Mark says…
One day I brought Jill home a gift when I returned home from a trip.  Her response surprised me and ticked me off.  She said, “Why did you waste your money?”

Jill says…
I know that sounds ungrateful–and it probably was to a certain extent–but honestly, I just wanted him to spend time with me after being gone from his trip.  I’m a cheap date!  Don’t buy me something…just spend time with me!

Mark says…
It wasn’t until Jill and I read Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages, that we realized what had actually happened in our little interaction about the gift.

Jill says…
Every one of us has a primary and secondary love language.  We need to learn to speak ALL 5 of the love languages because we are assured of interacting with people (spouse, children, extended family, etc) who have each love language.

Mark says…
These are the five love languages:

  • Encouraging Words
  • Acts of Service
  • Gift Giving and Receiving
  • Quality Time
  • Physical Touch and Closeness

Mark says…
My primary love language is Encouraging Words.  I hear “I love you,” when Jill tells me I did a good job on something or when she tells me she’s proud of me.  My secondary love language is Acts of Service.  When Jill gets the boys mowing the yard before the weekend and I come home to discover it half done, I hear “I love you,” from her act of service or her help in that task.

Jill says…
My primary love language is Quality Time.  I hear “I love you,” when Mark spends time with me without checking his phone and without being distracted.   My secondary love language is Acts of Service.  When Mark helps me with a project, I hear “I love you,” loud and clear.

Mark says…
There’s a free online survey that you and your spouse can take to help determine your love languages.  This survey also gives more information about the characteristics of each love language.   We’ve included a link to it in the box below (if you’re receiving this in email click HERE to see the post with the box.)

Jill says…
Once you know your spouses love language, you need to start speaking it intentionally. If your spouse’s love language is different than yours, it will feel awkward to you because it is foreign. It’s their language…not yours. There will be a learning curve initially. But in time, it’s worth the effort because you’ll both start to feel loved by each other!

What about you? What’s your love language? What’s your spouse’s?

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