Today’s No More Perfect Podcast episode is one I have been excited to share for quite some time. That’s because the couple Mark and I are talking with have made a huge difference in our lives.
Have you ever heard of Love Styles? This isn’t Love Languages. It’s something very different.
Our Love Styles are formed in primary attachment, like our childhood home and family, and they become more evident in later connections, such as in marriage or parenting. When we understand our Love Style, we can heal from our past wounds, repair painful relating patterns, and rebuild our relationships in healthy ways.
In this episode we talk about love styles in general and in the marriage relationship, but even if you’re not married I want to encourage you to listen in because you have a love style you need to be aware of!
Milan and Kay Yerkovich, experts on attachment and best-selling authors, are our guests today. Our marriage was transformed in large part through their book, How We Love. The book uncovers unhelpful relating patterns formed in childhood that we carry over into our relationships in adulthood.
In today’s episode, you’ll hear:
- How Love Styles work
- What the 5 Love Styles are
- How we can move towards a Secure attachment style
- Why many of the biggest challenges in marriage start in childhood
- And so much more!
This topic is so important, and is a huge part of the marriage coaching and marriage intensives Mark and I do. Listen in!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- Milan & Kay’s Website
- [Book] How We Love by Milan & Kay Yerkovich
- Take the free Love Styles Quiz!
- Free Resources from Milan & Kay
- As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks.
My Key Takeaways:
1) We all have parts of ourselves that are not fully formed yet. This is either due to a lack of development in our childhood by our parents or due to a traumatic experience. This doesn’t mean that our parents were bad people; it just means that they are human people in a fallen world. But because of this reality, we all carry unhealthy patterns with us into any relationship. It’s crucial that we continue the developmental process and grow within our relationships.
2) We need to be a safe place for each other. There is work to be done alone but, as you understand yourself better and your spouse does the same, you will begin to support one another in your journeys both individually and together. There have likely already been times where you have felt that you and your spouse’s Love Styles have clashed and caused disagreements. God created both of you uniquely and you have different life experiences. As you go through this process, seek to be an encouragement and a safe place for your spouse.
3) There is no Love Style that is better than the others. It’s actually just the opposite. They are all equal in need of growth and healing. The point of understanding your own Love Style is to know how you need to grow and how you are currently showing up in your relationships. Dispel the thought that you have the “worst” Love Style or a “better” Love Style, and instead focus on learning more about yourself and how God is helping you heal through this process.
About Milan & Kay:
Milan (M.A.) & Kay (M.S., M.F.T.) Yerkovich are co-authors and speaker on the topic of attachment and Love Styles. Milan is an ordained minister, pastoral counselor, and holds a master’s degree in Biblical Studies. Kay is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, has a master’s degree in Marriage and Family counseling, and her specialty is treating couples using attachment theory. Milan and Kay have been married since 1972 and have 4 children and 10 grandchildren.
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Thank You for this podcast. This makes sense and going to have to process this all. Blessings to You Guys! I 😐
Wonderful! We’re so glad this was helpful!
Helpful listen – and shared with 4 other families. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing it!