We are doing another episode to answer your questions! Last time we did this, a listener asked to hear more about “Jill 1.0”. For this conversation, we have received a question for Mark! Here’s the message that came in via email:
Dear Mark, I listen to every episode that you and Jill put out there. In one of the episodes, you described a “chaos” going on inside your brain and how you’ve experienced healing from it. I want that more than anything.
The chaos in my brain seems insurmountable. I can’t believe it could ever change because it has been a part of me for my entire life. You did an episode about how Jill moved from the 1.0 version of herself to the 2.0 version, but I need to hear how Mark went from 1.0 to 2.0.
Thank you so much for submitting this question! We know how overwhelming it can feel to struggle with inner turmoil, and we’re so happy that you reached out for guidance. Over the years, as we’ve been publicly sharing our story, we’ve taken a lot of time to consider the core elements that helped us move from the old 1.0 versions of ourselves to the new 2.0 versions—and we’re here to share some of our insights with you.
In this episode, you’ll learn about:
- The acronym Mark uses to describe the chaos
- How to retrain your thoughts
- The importance of making requests
- And more!
We hope this conversation is helpful for anyone struggling to understand their brain or who needs to hear that there is hope.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- [BOOK] I Really Messed Up
- [BOOK] My Heart is Broken
- [COURSE] The Wait is Not Wasted
- [COURSE] Rebuilding Trust
- [COURSE] Understanding Attachment: Your Next Steps to Becoming Secure
- [COURSE] No More Perfect Marriages: Home Edition
- Moving from Jill 1.0 to Jill 2.0 | Episode 240
- What Does Surrender Look Like? | Episode 161
- Managing Expectations in Marriage | Episode 247
- BLOG: The Strength in Letting Go: Why Surrender Sets Us Free
- Personal Operating Systems Inventory
- As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks
My Key Takeaways:
1) It starts with surrender. Before and during his crisis, Mark wanted to control every aspect of his life. However, the more he strove for control, the worse his life spun out of it. What he learned from this struggle is that surrender is the key to a successful life. If you are a believer, it’s also a vital part of the Christian walk. Without it, we can get stuck in our journey, succumb to anger, and develop a desire to control everything around us. It’s time to let go and let God.
2) Replace lies with truth. The “chaos” in our minds is often created (or worsened) when we start believing lies about our life, our relationships, and about God. One of the most important things Mark did to dig himself out of his crisis was replacing the lies he was believing with real truth. This helped him retrain his thoughts and calm the voices in his head that were contributing to the chaos.
3) Accept what is real. This was a difficult one! When Mark took the time to honestly examine how he was behaving and what he was believing, he realized that he was putting unrealistic expectations on everyone around him—especially Jill. This put him in a position to be disappointed regularly. Rather than maintain unrealistic expectations, it’s important to accept what is real and make requests of those around us.
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