Do you find yourself defining life by before and after the hurt?
I’ve been there. When Mark walked away from our marriage, I was overwhelmed by the painful breach of trust. My heart was ripped to pieces and I wasn’t sure I would ever experience joy again.
If you’re reading this, you know exactly the feeling I’m talking about.
You see the people around you running errands, going shopping, and attending church—utterly unaware of the disappointment and devastation going on in your life.
Your life feels shattered into pieces, but the world won’t pause to give you time to process your pain—not even for a moment.
You might be experiencing grief and panic and fear and anger all mixed up—sometimes appearing all together in the same five-minute span of time.
And the hardest part? Nobody talks about this.
Everyone knows that marriage is hard when you’re in a season of explosive fights or constant conflict. But what few people address is the incredible pain of waiting. There’s life before and then there is life now. And what does life in the future even look like?
At least when you’re in direct conflict with your spouse, you know where your relationship stands and can actively participate in it. But when your spouse disconnects from you and leaves you waiting, it’s easy to feel lost, confused, and utterly powerless. You feel left behind—waiting to find out whether your spouse will reengage or walk away forever.
If you’re walking through a waiting season, I want you to know that I’m so sorry. I know how much pain your heart is in right now—because I was once there, too.
I want to share with you some of the lessons I learned during a season of waiting. I hope they can serve as a soothing balm to your soul:
Why We Wait
In a perfect world, we wouldn’t have to endure seasons of waiting. We’d always have the clarity we need and the freedom to act on it right away. But real life rarely works that way, and at times, the decision isn’t ours alone to make.
There are many reasons why you could be in a season of waiting. Perhaps your spouse:
- Is actively engaging in an affair
- Has indicated a desire to end your relationship
- Has an unrepentant heart
- Isn’t on the same page as you
- Has broken the trust you once shared with each other
- Still needs time to discover what they want
The reason behind why you are in a season of waiting doesn’t have to involve infidelity, though. It could be that your spouse has broken your trust by:
- Misusing your family’s money
- Hiding an addiction
- Lying or hiding the truth
- Breaking promises
- Taking a passive role in life
LISTEN: What Broken Trust Looks Like Outside of Infidelity | Episode 90
All of these and more are reasons why you may find yourself in a season of waiting today, wondering if there is anything you can or should be doing while feeling uncertain about the future.
I Know What You’re Thinking
It’s said that “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.”
Our minds certainly have a way of spinning out distressing possibilities, don’t they? This is especially true during seasons of waiting—when uncertainty stretches longer than we’d like and we start to feel like we’re in an endless state of limbo.
I’m sure most, if not all, of these thoughts have crossed your mind as you endure this season of waiting:
- Will I be alone forever?
- Will my spouse and I be able to work things out?
- Even if we work things out, will we go back to the way things were?
- What about our family?
- Is my marriage even worth saving?
- What did I do wrong?
- How will I raise my children alone?
- Why did this happen to me?
As your head swirls with nagging worries, you may begin to wonder, What’s the point?
You’re spending day after day simmering in a big, nasty soup of uncertainty—you want to make the most of your time, yet it feels like it’s all slipping away.
Here’s the good news, my friend: this season of waiting doesn’t have to be wasted.
Why Waiting is NOT a Wasted Season
When Mark had his affair, it led to our separation. Divorce was on the horizon and I was stuck in a season of waiting, wondering what the future would hold.
One morning in that dark season, God reminded me of a message I’d heard Christian author Jennifer Rothschild deliver about losing her sight at the age of 15.
As she shared her story, she made this simple statement: It is not well with my circumstances, but it is well with my soul.
Wow, that’s pretty powerful, isn’t it?
That day, I turned a corner. I saw a glimmer of the possibility of peace, hope, and joy someday again in the future…regardless of whether my marriage made it or not.
It was not well with my circumstances, but I was determined that it would be well with my soul, and I knew I had to begin that journey with God.
That was over a decade ago. In the end, my marriage made it, but even if it hadn’t, I want you to know that I would be okay today. And regardless of what happens in your world, I want you to know that you will be okay, too.
Over my year-long season of waiting, God worked on my soul—He took me through a personal journey of individual growth and healing. What this time helped me realize is that I had contributed in many different ways to the dysfunction of our marriage.
The truth is, everyone, at any stage of life, can benefit from introspection, addressing the wounds of the past, and taking practical action to grow as individuals. By investing in your personal growth, you can show up better for yourself, help your light shine brighter, and make sure your cup is filled up—regardless of how your relationship turns out.
A season of waiting can be a golden opportunity to rediscover and nurture parts of yourself that you have set to the side. Remember—you can’t control the actions or decisions of anyone else in your life, but you can control how you respond to the situation you’ve found yourself in. By choosing to navigate this season with intention and growth, you take your power back and send yourself the message that you never have to wait in order to feel worthy.
I want to invite you to not waste this season you find yourself in right now. I know this isn’t something you asked for. In fact, it probably feels like you’ve been handed a pile of crap.
That’s how I felt, too. However, over time, I came to realize that I had a choice. I could let the crap pile up, stinking up everything in my life. Or, I could take it and use it as fertilizer. You know what I chose, but now, I’m asking you…what will you do?
If you are ready to take that first step like I did, then I encourage you to check out my FREE The Wait is Not Wasted webinar. This is a great place to gain control over this season and start using this time to transform your outlook.
And if you find this resource helpful, I encourage you to explore my complete The Wait is Not Wasted course. This is a 5-part path to create peace within your soul while inviting your spouse back into your marriage.
P.S. I know that this time can feel isolating. If you have a question about your waiting season that I can help answer, leave it in the comments below and I’ll do my best to help! You are not alone in this, my friend.
