“Yes, I’m having an affair, and I’m not going to stop.”
Hearing these words would be absolutely heartbreaking for anyone. But if you’ve ever navigated infidelity, you’re certainly not alone.
The numbers are staggering, really. Statistics indicate that 65% of men and 55% of women cheat before they turn 40, and that both Christians and non-Christians are prone to similar levels of infidelity.
Infidelity and broken trust have been a significant part of our story, as well as the stories of the couples we coach on a regular basis. After 14 years on this journey of recovery and repair, our marriage has come out stronger on the other side. Now, we want to share what we’ve learned in the hopes that it helps others who are going through the same thing.
This is part one of a four-episode series on recovering from infidelity and broken trust. Even if this doesn’t directly apply to you and your relationship, our hope is that it may help you help someone else.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- The four phases of infidelity
- Our personal journey navigating broken trust
- Some factors that contribute to infidelity
- And more!
We hope that this series will be a blessing and encouragement to every couple, regardless of what stage your marriage is in.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- Mark’s Shirt on Amazon
- Your Guide to Attachment Styles
- Free Attachment Quiz
- [BOOK] No More Perfect Marriages
- Understanding Confirmation Bias in Relationships | Episode 238
- [BOOK] How We Love
- [BOOK] My Heart is Broken
- [BOOK] I Really Messed Up
- The Wait is Not Wasted Course
- As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks
My Key Takeaways:
1) Marriages don’t fall apart in one day. The things that cause your marriage relationship to crumble or your partner to engage in infidelity are all those small things that build up over time. The same was true in our marriage. We knew things weren’t perfect, but to some extent, we just thought that was how things were, or that this was an inevitable part of being married. Today, we know better. Even if your relationship is not at the point of infidelity or broken trust, there may still be some small fracture issues that are chipping away at the foundation. Instead of waiting, take the next step now to start to address those issues.
2) Every relationship needs support. This could be professional support through a counselor or coach, but it could also be the support of a skilled pastor or trusted friend. As you navigate the muddy waters of broken trust, you need people in your corner who will offer sound advice, support on your hardest days, and encouragement when you feel like giving up.
3) Both spouses experience hurt, not just the one who was betrayed. While it’s true that the partner who was betrayed likely feels a more intense form of hurt, and they may even feel blindsided by it, the other spouse carries hurt, too. That hurt is often one of the factors that drives them into the arms of another. In our relationship, the road to restoration meant each of us owning up to the hurt we had caused the other. As we continue in this series, you’ll see how vital this was to rebuilding not just our relationship, but ourselves.
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