I’m super excited to be launching the No More Perfect Podcast! Episode 1 is now available and I’m pulling back the curtain on a place where I’ve had a big learning curve in my life.
As a mom and wife, I am always learning and growing. One of the places that I have grown the most over the years is learning the impact of compassion on my family. I had to learn how to change from being a buck up wife and mom and begin to choose to respond with compassion and empathy.
In my book My Hearts at Home, I shared about home being a trauma unit. This chapter came out of a season of growth for me where I learned about the importance of approaching painful circumstances with compassion. When I was a buck up mom, kindness and compassion weren’t always my response. During my journey, God brought me to Ephesians 4:32.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as Christ, God, forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32.
This is what I learned:
Buck up spouses try to fix.
Compassionate spouses try to feel.
Buck up parents try to fix.
Compassionate parents try to feel.
Compassion builds bridges and security in the relationships that mean the most to you.
How did I start increasing compassion? Listen in as I share my journey–here are some of the highlights:
1. Focus on feelings not a solution.
I am a natural fixer, but I had to learn to focus on the feelings myself and others were experiencing. I would use the Soul Words list by Milan and Kay Yerkovich to help me identify those feelings.
People don’t care what you know until they know that you care.
Sit with them. Listen. Say, “Tell me More” so they can elaborate on their feelings.
2. Look at the situation from the other person’s perspective.
Walk in their shoes.
Validate where they are emotionally. “It makes sense that you would feel _____________.”
Eventually you can move to the fix-it place, but you have to allow the time for feeling it first.
3. Respond with empathetic statements
“I bet that was so disappointing.”
“I’m sure that hurt your heart deeply.”
“That breaks my heart, I’m sure it breaks your heart as well.”
“I am so sorry, I’m sure that was painful for you to experience.”
I want to encourage you to pay attention to those opportunities where you can go the old way and try to fix it, or you can go the new way to try to feel it. I believe you’ll see the difference it makes in that relationship!
Resources Mentioned in Today’s Podcast