Today I’m experiencing the relief of good news. However, before the good news arrived, there were six days of “no news.” The journey of those five days is what’s on my mind today.
Last week I had my every three month oncologist appointment. I mentioned to him about some chest pain I’d been experiencing. His physical exam found a “fullness” but no lump. He said he didn’t think it was cancer, but he wanted to order a CT Scan to be sure.
The scan was scheduled for last Friday. Argh. That meant no results until Monday at the earliest.
When I called for the results on Monday, I didn’t get a call back.
The waiting. The not-knowing. Those spaces are worse than “the knowing.” Truly they are.
It was all I could do to not let fear grip my heart as I worked to push from my mind the possibility the cancer had returned.
There were moments where I almost literally felt the weight of the wait.
Indeed, waiting is part of life.
We wait for our prince charming to come along.
We wait for our wedding day.
We wait for a baby to be born.
We wait for the adoption to be finalized.
Each of those “waits” carry the anticipation of something good.
Sometimes waiting carries the anticipation of something bad. It’s this kind of “not knowing” and fearing the worse that can be the hardest part of waiting.
We wait for a prodigal to come home. Not knowing if he or she is safe or okay.
We wait for a loved one to return to God. Not knowing just how hard of a heart God is dealing with.
We wait for test results. Not knowing if the results will change the trajectory of our life in some way.
As the days of waiting lengthened and my anxiety increased, I realized I was no longer worshiping my God, but instead I was worshiping my circumstances.
Knowing I needed to get my head and my heart in the right place, I intentionally moved my eyes from the unknown to the known. From the changing to the unchanging. From the shifting sand to the Solid Rock.
“I the Lord do not change.” (Malachi 3:6a)
“The grass withers, and the flowers fade, but the word of our God stands forever.” (Isaiah 40:8)
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8)
Once my eyes were on the sure thing of Jesus Christ, I then worked my weight loss (or could it be wait loss?) program of moving the weight of anxiety from my shoulders to God’s hands. By the time I received the good news from my doctor that the scans were clear, I had experienced two full days of peace…even in the “not knowing.”
“Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you…” (Psalm 55:22a)
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11: 28-30)
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on… And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? …Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. … (Matthew 6:25-34)
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)
Are you waiting? Feeling crushed by the weight of the wait?
Choose not to worship your circumstances. Choose to worship the God who will carry you through your circumstances.
Move your eyes from the changing to the unchanging, and let God lift the weight of the wait.
What about you? Are there any Bible verses that have helped you while waiting?
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Jill-that’s beautiful! We’ve been waiting for our house to sell. It’s been on the market for 11 months and my husband’s job started 13 months ago…the house has sat empty for 10 months….we found a house we love in our new town/state…we are now paying 2 mortgages…..we know that God wanted us up here…just waiting for him to bring a buyer for our old house. Sadly, our only offer was 30K below our asking price; which is 30K under the original price and would have required more money for us to go to closing with than we have access to. It’s so frustrating! Some days I am good, I know God will provide; and other days I’m just grouchy about it.
Thanks for sharing this story, Jill. We are experiencing some health issues with our daughter right now where she’s having unexplained monthly fevers. Her doctor has been trying to tell us she just gets sick often but there are too many odd things about the pattern of occurrence and the recurring symptoms. We’ve finally been referred to a specialist, but I’m in a constant state of questioning. I wonder if I’m making the right choice, if I’m overreacting to something silly, if I’m not being enough of an advocate for my daughter. It’s tough. Thank you for the reminder that the Lord with provide the strength to endure the wait and that it’s all in His hands, not mine! And PS. I’m thrilled for you that your scans were clear. What a blessing!