Do love and money clash in your marriage? Is this just a subject you tend to avoid? If so, you’re not alone! It’s actually rather common for couples to experience frustrations around this topic.
Today on the podcast, I’m so excited to welcome my friend Shaunti Feldhahn, bestselling author of For Women Only, for a conversation about how we can honestly discuss money in marriage without the fear of conflict.
And let me tell you, this one is a game-changer.
She and her husband Jeff are fresh off a 3-year national research project on love and money that, in many ways, startled them. Through the study, they discovered that conflict around money issues usually isn’t about money at all. The core issue is actually about how money makes us feel.
Shaunti shares honestly in today’s podcast about how, despite working together for more than half of their 25-year marriage, she and Jeff simply could not talk about money. They essentially handled everything separately (something many of us may relate with!). This research project was a crucial step for them to understand what was really behind their money conflicts and to choose unity rather than arguments or avoidance.
You’re going to love Shaunti’s candor as we talk about why money is such a difficult topic, what frustrations with money are most commonly about for men and women, how we can move from conflict to unity, why being a “spender” doesn’t have to be a bad trait, and a whole lot more!
Listen in and let me know what your biggest takeaway is! This one is so good!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Living With Less So Your Family Has More by Jill Savage
Thriving in Love and Money [Book] by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn
My Key Takeaways:
1) We all come into marriage with our own “of course.” “Of course” money should be managed a certain way. “Of course” we should take a vacation each year. “Of course” we should have a date night every other week at a nice restaurant. Well, often what we take as a no-brainer is not the same as what’s a no-brainer for our spouse. When we don’t talk about it, our “of courses” clash.
2) Our differences around how we talk about money often have little to do with money. It’s important that we don’t internalize the narrative that being a “saver” is inherently right and being a “spender” is inherently wrong. Our differences are often more about what we value in life, how we’re wired, and what we are feeling than the specifics of how we manage our finances. In fact, couples often get caught up in a unique downward spiral because of our fears and values. As Shaunti says, “We don’t need to talk about money; I need to understand you.”
3) Regardless of financial status, couples who talk about money are closer than couples who don’t. There are so many people who are fearful of bringing up the conversation because it always ends up leading to conflict, frustration, or even anger. Shaunti shares some great principles for how to talk about money with your spouse, but what a great reminder that ignoring it because it feels easier doesn’t do your relationship any favors.
Shaunti Feldhahn is a best-selling author, popular speaker, and internationally renowned social researcher. For more than half of their 25-year marriage, the Feldhahns have investigated the little things that make a big difference in relationships and have written books to share truths that help relationships thrive. Find her on Facebook, Instagram, and her website!
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