We had a record number of Marriage Intensives at the beginning of this year! For each intensive, we host a couple at our home for a whole weekend so that we can give them our undivided attention and really dive deep. As we worked with these couples, we were reminded of some of the themes that pop up over and over in relationships.
One of the biggest ones? Anger. Anger is a normal part of life, but how we handle this emotion makes all the difference. Anger protects us, helps us guard against danger, and empowers us, but too often, anger is misused. This issue is at the core of so many of the marriage conflicts we see.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- The consequences of anger being misused
- Practical steps to understand anger
- How to take our feelings to God
- And more!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
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- [BOOK] Anger: Taming a Powerful Emotion
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Our Key Takeaways:
1) Consistent, repetitive anger takes away emotional safety. This is the danger of unhealthy anger. When anger gets out of control and one partner lashes out, it may not inflict physical harm, but the wedge it drives between you and your spouse is significant. The person on the receiving end often feels a lack of emotional safety and may be on edge while they wait for the next outburst to occur.
2) Anger, when used correctly, causes us to move into action. We like to say that there are no bad emotions. All emotions were created by God for a purpose. Anger serves to protect, react against injustices, and tell us when something is wrong with the world around us. We can feel a righteous anger in response to something that grieves God. Don’t try to shut down anger completely—recognize how to channel it in a positive way instead of letting it get out of control or bottling it up.
3) Practice pausing. Pausing in the moments you experience anger does a few things. First, it allows you to check in on what you are feeling at that moment. Next, it gives you time to assess what you are experiencing and whether the feeling is accurate. We will often assign meaning to a situation based on our past. When this happens, we end up with an inaccurate view of the current situation and respond based on our perception rather than what is actually happening. If you find it difficult to pause in the moment that anger flares up, take some time when you are calm to review the last time you had an outburst in anger. Journal about what you felt and what was at the root of your anger. Continue to do this until you are able to pause as soon as the feeling comes up.
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