When Mark and I went through the dark season in our marriage, it’s no surprise that we sought out counseling. However, what most people find surprising is that our counselor focused more on untangling our childhoods than our skills as a couple. That was exactly what we needed in order to restore our marriage and move forward!
We all have a past, but what we don’t often realize is how much what happened “then” affects us now. (Even if your “then” wasn’t very negative!) This is the topic we are going to dig into in this conversation and it applies to every person, even if you aren’t married.
Helping me navigate this is Pastor Elliott Anderson. Pastor Anderson is the Assistant Professor of Psychology at Judson University and the Pastor at Solid Rock Church in Elgin, IL. Elliott’s areas of expertise include counseling, identity formation, sexuality, addiction, adoption, foster care, marriage, family, and the integration of faith and psychology. He’s the author of several books and co-host of the podcast Love and Life. When I learned about his resources, I couldn’t help but notice how similarly he speaks and thinks to Mark and I!
In this conversation, you’ll hear:
- Why the key to your future often lies in the past
- The three A’s that tear down intimacy
- The importance of making the decision to find healing
- And so much more!
I really enjoyed talking with Elliott and am eager to share this episode with you!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- Raising Boys with Rob Currie | Episode 50
- Connect with Elliott on his website, podcast, or Instagram
- [BOOK] How We Love by Milan & Kay Yerkovich
- [BOOK] It’s About Time by Elliott Anderson
- [BOOK] The Return Home by Elliott Anderson
- [BOOK] Simon Says: Principles and Perspectives from Dr. Simon V. Anderson by Elliott Anderson
- Get in contact with Elliott through his producer, Tim May
- As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks.
My Key Takeaways:
1) This takes investment. Whether you are facing a crisis in your marriage, a betrayal in a friendship, or a fight with a family member, walking through redemption takes an investment of time and often finances. We have to work on ourselves and take an honest look at our behaviors and beliefs. For many people, we would not willingly do this work unless a crisis hits that causes us to need to uncover the root issues. (But it doesn’t need to be that way!) Even so, relationships do have the potential to come out stronger after crisis.
2) We all have wounds. Some of us have wounds that go deeper than others, but we all carry wounds with us. These happen when we didn’t receive what we needed in past relationships. This could be a result of abuse or neglect, but it could also have occurred on smaller levels because we are all imperfect sinners. So regardless of if you had a happy childhood or a hard one, we all have work to do to address the wounds we carry that affect how we behave in our relationships.
3) Decide to R.A.C. Elliott shared this acronym with us about the steps we need to take for our own growth and health. The first step is to recognize that we have wounds. Next, we need to acknowledge them. This is different from the first step because in this one we are actively deciding to take action and do something about our wounds. The final step is to change. You may need the help of a trusted counselor or therapist to help get to the bottom of your childhood wounds and take practical steps to change your beliefs and behaviors in relationships. By taking the space for this work, I promise that you will come out the other side a healthier individual, a better friend, a better mom or dad, and a better spouse.
Rev. Elliott Anderson, M.A. is the pastor at Solid Rock Church, Assistant Professor of Psychology at Judson University, author, counselor, and podcast co-host. Elliott has a B.A. in Psychology and an M.A. in Counseling. He has worked with individuals and couples for over 30 years and specializes in helping others enhance their connections through a deeper understanding of themselves. Elliott has been married to his wife, Angie, for over 34 years and they have four children together.
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