It can be hard to transition from actively parenting your children to doing life alongside them once they become adults. Whether you are quickly approaching this season or are currently in it, I want you to know that you can experience a richer, deeper, more fulfilling life (and relationship with your kids) than ever before.
My guest, Jim Burns, not only writes and speaks on strong marriages, confident parenting, and empowering kids, but he is also the author of Finding Joy in the Empty Nest and Doing Life With Your Adult Children. Jim is passionate about combining his personal experience of becoming an empty-nester with extensive research to help others navigate their own journey into this new stage of life.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- How to support and accept your kids even if they don’t embrace your values.
- The importance of having new experiences in the empty nest season of life.
- Tips for handling “boomerang” children.
- Why you have to let your kids make mistakes.
- How to use this season to rediscover your passions.
This topic is SO important, and Jim does such a great job speaking to the heart of parents in this season of life. Listen in!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- [Book] Empty Nest, Full Life by Jill Savage
- [Book] Finding Joy in the Empty Nest: Discover Purpose and Passion in the Next Phase of Life by Jim Burns
- [Book] Doing Life with Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out by Jim Burns
- [Blog] Your Ultimate Guide to Holidays as an Empty Nester
- Homeword (Jim Burns’ Website)
- Connect with Jim on Instagram and Twitter
- As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks.
My Key Takeaways:
1) It’s normal to have “empty nest syndrome.” Parents tend to experience some sadness and even a level of depression once all their children move out. This is completely normal. As our children fly out of the nest, they begin to have adventures and experience new things, and we often forget that we need to do the same. Now is the time to create a dream list, try new things, test out a new hobby, and more!
2) Take time to invest in yourself and your relationships. As a parent, we often put ourselves on the back-burner to take care of our children. As your children start to leave the nest (even if you’re not fully an empty-nester yet), this is the perfect time to put yourself first. Take some time for self-care and rediscover who you are as a person. Invest in the important relationships around you. Be intentional to find out who you are and cultivate the relationships you desire to have.
3) Ask permission before giving advice to your adult children. This right here is one of the biggest struggles of transitioning to doing life with older kids. We have to stop assuming our kids want our input and instead start asking permission before giving advice. Like Jim says, unsolicited advice will sound like criticism. On a deeper level, you have to release yourself from the responsibility of preventing your children from the consequences of bad decisions. They need to be allowed to grow and make mistakes!
About Jim:
Jim Burns, Ph.D, is an author, speaker, and president of HomeWord, a nonprofit dedicated to educate, equip, and encourage parents and churches to build God-honoring families. Jim lives in Southern California with his wife, Cathy. They have three adult daughters and are happily settled in the empty nest stage of life where they get to dote on their three grandchildren.
I am just entering the empty nest phase of my life. I am looking forward to reinventing myself for the second half!
I really appreciate the encouraging words about not being the parent who keeps trying to impose my values and my beliefs on my kids. As you both said, they know what I believe and value. They know if I would approve or disapprove when they do something. But they are adults and it is not for me to make their decisions for them. My job is to build a relationship with them based on my love for them. I need to let them make their choices, for better or for worse, and be the safe place they can turn if things don’t turn out.
I also appreciate the advice for when they boomerang or bungee cord back home. I think it is good to stand firm that there are no drugs in the house or not allowing their partner to live in if those are your beliefs. I like the idea of setting boundaries and expectations, like they must be employed and/or attending college. I appreciated how Jim told his married daughter when she defaulted to child mode and asked what was for dinner that she had made meals for her husband and kids before they moved into his house and he was sure she could continue to do so. Yes!
I think these things are important to do even when the kids come home from college for the summer. They need to help out with household chores, make meals, etc. Because in those months when they were away at college, we empty nesters were remaking ourselves and our lives, and the kids need to work around us and our new lifestyle when they return.
Thanks for this podcast and all the great advice!