Today’s episode is a convergence of three of my favorite things—I love to talk about marriage, I love to talk about sex in marriage, and I love to talk with my friend Juli Slattery. In this episode, we get to do all three!
Dr. Juli Slattery is a clinical psychologist, author, speaker, and co-founder of Authentic Intimacy. She also hosts a weekly podcast called Java with Juli where she dives into “taboo” questions you’re afraid to ask about intimacy, marriage, singleness, sexual addiction, and more. She’s the author of 12 books including her newest book, titled God, Sex, and Your Marriage.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- Some of the “pain points” commonly experienced related to sex in marriage
- What it looks like to think beyond sexual morality and think about sexual maturity
- How sex is directly connected to God’s covenant love for us
- The four pillars of covenant love and how they can improve your sex life
- Why the valleys of life can often help us increase intimacy in our marriage
This is such an important conversation, and I am eager to share it with you today!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- Authentic Intimacy Website
- Follow Authentic Intimacy on Instagram and Facebook
- Episode 74: Finding the Hero in Your Husband with Dr. Juli Slattery
- [Book] God, Sex, and Your Marriage by Juli Slattery
- [Conference] Reclaim: God’s Design for Sex in Marriage (October 14-15, 2022)
- Episode 25: An Honest Conversation About Sex with Jennifer Degler
- Java with Juli Podcast
- No More Perfect Date Night – Lets-Talk-About-Sex-Date-Night-PDF.pdf
- [Book] Is There Really Sex After Kids? by Jill Savage
- As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks.
My Key Takeaways:
1) Historically, the church has focused on sexual morality more than sexual maturity. Purity culture, and the church as a whole, has typically focused more on what you should and should not do outside of marriage rather than helping people learn what sexual maturity looks like. As a result, many people enter into marriage with a sense of shame about their past, a lack of openness to discuss sexuality, and with no idea how sex should look in a healthy marriage. We need to start talking openly about God’s design for sex in a healthy relationship and disciple others, single and married alike, so that we can enter into marriage with a healthy perspective of sex and marriage.
2) The first step to healthy sexuality is to get the right picture of what we are supposed to be building. We can easily get an incorrect picture of marriage from the culture around us. Movies portray dating and marriage relationships in unrealistic ways that can lead us to experiencing disappointment when our own marriage doesn’t look the same. In order to have a great sex life and a healthy marriage, we have to start with the right picture of what it should look like. Spoiler alert: That model comes directly from God’s covenant love for us.
3) We often confuse sexual activity with sexual intimacy. You can be married and only be having “sanctified hookups” with your spouse. The true purpose of sex is that you might know each other more intimately. This often takes place outside the bedroom. It means going deeper with your spouse to find out what they value, how they are feeling, and drawing closer to understand what’s in their heart.
About Juli:
Dr. Juli Slattery is a clinical psychologist, author, speaker, and the president and co-founder of Authentic Intimacy, a ministry devoted to reclaiming God’s design for sexuality. Juli is the author of ten books and host of the weekly podcast Java with Juli. Her passion is to help redeem lives and marriages through God’s truth that were previously ruined by unfulfilled promises of love and sexual brokenness. Juli and her husband, Mike, are the parents of three sons and live in Akron, Ohio. Learn more at https://www.authenticintimacy.com/ —
