For today’s conversation, we are talking very openly about the physical relationship within marriage. (If you have little ears around, consider listening on headphones or waiting until you are alone.)
Many marriage resources presume that the husband has a higher sex drive, but in about 25% of marriages, it’s actually the wife who experiences more feelings of desire.
When women have the higher level of desire for sex and intimacy, they can often experience feelings of rejection when their spouse doesn’t reciprocate. They may even wonder what’s wrong with them, and unfortunately, they often have nowhere to turn for advice.
For nearly 15 years, J. Parker has been the voice behind the blog, Hot, Holy & Humorous. She’s the author of five books on sexual intimacy and marriage, including her most recent title, The Higher Desire Wife: Understanding and Help for Christian Women Navigating Mismatched Sex Drives. J. holds a master’s degree in counseling, but it was her personal testimony that fueled her desire to write about God’s design for sex and marriage.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- How to navigate sex when you and your spouse’s desires are mismatched
- How your sex drive can change over time
- The benefits of scheduling sex
- And more!
This is a candid conversation I wish had existed early on in my own marriage, and my hope is that you will glean helpful information to guide you in your physical relationship within marriage.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- Connect with J. Parker on her website, Facebook, or podcast
- [BOOK] The Higher Desire Wife: Understanding and Help for Christian Women Navigating Mismatched Sex Drives
- [BOOK] Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design
- [BOOK] Is There Really Sex After Kids?: A Mom-to-Mom Chat on Keeping Intimacy Alive
- An Honest Conversation About Sex with Jennifer Degler | Episode 25
- [BOOK] Secrets of Sex and Marriage: 8 Surprises That Make All the Difference
- As a thank you for listening, get your 3 free eBooks.
My Key Takeaways:
1) Your sex drive can change over time. Especially as women, there are many different seasons of life that carry with them significant hormonal changes. Whether you are a new mom or in the empty nest season of life, or anything in between, it’s completely normal for your desire and drive to ebb and flow. What’s more, this change over time can actually be a blessing. As we mature, we tend to know more of what we want in the bedroom. Plus, as our little ones grow up and leave the nest, we gain more time to devote both our brains and bodies to sex.
2) Start by becoming aware of your own body. If you grew up in the church or hail from a more conservative background, sex may not have been a topic that was talked about in your home. You may not know what it means to have a higher sexual drive or even fully understand your preferences in the bedroom. However, we want you to know that it’s never too late to get started! We recommend taking time to become aware of your own body—what it looks like, how it feels when it is touched, and what kind of intimacy is most fulfilling for you. (Still wondering how to get started? Check out this episode: Improving Sexual Intimacy in Marriage | Episode 215)
3) Talk about it. Much of the shame and rejection around our sex drive is self-imposed. As the higher desire spouse, when we try to initiate sex and it isn’t reciprocated, it can feel like we are being rejected. In reality, it’s likely that our spouse is not rejecting us personally. They may just not be in the mood for intimacy or they may need more of a build-up to ignite their desires. Be sure to set aside some time to talk with your spouse about your sexual drive, how often you would prefer to have sex, how you like sex to be initiated, how you like to be touched, and more!
About J. Parker:
J. Parker is a Christian sex author, speaker, blogger, and podcaster. She holds a master’s degree in counseling. J. is most well-known for her blog, Hot, Holy & Humorous, which she started in 2010. Today, J. is a podcast co-host of the Sex Chat for Christian Wives and has written six books on sexual intimacy and marriage. She has two adult sons, a daughter-in-law, and lives in Denton, Texas, with her husband of over 30 years. And in case you were wondering: the “J” stands for Julie.
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